I Hate You

Stephanie - Danville, Ohio
Entered on April 29, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: family, setbacks

I Hate You

The society we live in today makes it seem like every adult or young adolescent has a favorite positive childhood memory. Common memories are ones such as riding a bike without training wheels, first over night stay, or maybe your first time flying a kite. Although I wish my memories were ones of happiness and laughter, they weren’t. My memories were ones of violence, sadness, and counseling. I believe that your childhood has a lot to do with your future as an adult.

My father helped bring me into this world, and never thought about his consequences of having a child. He now regrets his choices in life. My so called “daddy” is an ex marine who is racist, likes alcohol, and thinks the world owes him. His childhood in comparison to mine is a lot alike. Violence is the answer, and sadness is the outcome of everything. My mom and he had two kids together, my brother LeRoy whose 17 and myself. I also have an older brother Kenny who is 21 and has always been my trusting guy figure. My brothers, my mom and I have always had a special bond together. This bong consists of courage, and hope.

One memory that stays clear in my mind happened when I was about 7 or 8 yrs old. My brothers and I were listening to my dad and mom argue, which was nothing new. The argument got a little hectic and we got closer to them. I poked my curious head around the corner and saw my dad holding my moms hand above the tall orange flames on the stove. He knew I was watching and he still continued his actions. Squirming around my mom finally got loose. By this point I was running back to my room.

After this incident and many run ins with the cops my mother divorced him and got away. We moved about ten minutes away from my dad. Since them being divorced my dad has made my life hell. He favored my brother any chance he got. I was always the runt of the three. Attending only LeRoy’s athletic events he never once came to mine. That is only one example of many.

Presently my mom, brothers, amazing step dad, and I live in Danville, Ohio, while my dad still remains in Illinois. It’s been like this for 3 years now. This is for the best of my brother and me both. We no longer have contact with my dad. Yet, he still tries to come into our lives, but we don’t let him.

I’ve been dealing with depression for about two years now. I honestly think that because of him it’s the reason I’m fighting this battle. There are also positives about my childhood. I’m a strong willed independent woman, and I know I don’t need my dad or any other man in my life to succeed.