Starting to Believe Again

Elizabeth - Milltown, New Jersey
Entered on April 28, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: death, family, purpose

“Everything happens for a reason”, is a statement I recently started to accept again. I am a person that grew up in a bubble, the cushy life in a small town, no major life altering issues growing up. Over the past few years it seems that my luck had run out, the summer going into my senior year of high school my grandfather passed away after a long battle with sickness in the hospital, I was lucky enough to have the chance to visit him a few days before his death. Then there were the deaths that there was no time to say goodbye, my sister’s boyfriend was struck by a car and killed two years ago. My sister is the type of person that would cut off her own arm if someone she cared about hurt their own. She has been the glue that holds my family together, when people say that their sibling is the most caring person they know, they have not met caring and selfless until they have met my sister. She is a fourth grade teacher, and truly gets joy out of seeing her students learn and grow in front of her eyes. She gives her whole life to teaching and helping others, to see her have to go through something as painful as losing her love was the worst thing I could have ever imagined. I am the type of person that constantly wants to fight other peoples battles, I am comfortable with dealing with personal issues, but when someone I care for is hurting or in trouble it truly disturbs me. After her boyfriend’s death I started losing faith, I couldn’t believe that anyone would allow such a terrible thing to happen to such an amazing person. The blows just kept coming though, this year my family was faced with a great loss. My aunt, my father’s sister, passed away very suddenly, it is rare to be shocked by death once in our life, let alone twice. I am part of a close tight knit family, so losing my aunt is almost like losing one of my own parents. Yet again my faith was tested, my aunt was the least judgmental most amazing woman, she had an air about her that mad you feel instantly calm and comfortable, she was the rock when it came to death, she was always the person consoling everyone else. The most crushing part is that she had to leave her three children at such critical time in their lives, my oldest cousin of the three is a senior in high school, a star athlete and amazing student, the middle one is in her junior year in high school and has prom to prepare for, and the youngest is in seventh grade and is too young to have the close friendships that my older cousins have to help them get through this time. My faith in everything is slowly returning and it is a struggle everyday, but my family is closer than ever, it is heartbreaking that amazing people had to pass away for me to realize how precious life is, and to allow me to see the bigger more significant picture, and that is the importance of family.