Just Live It

Stephanie - Austin, Texas
Entered on April 27, 2008

I believe in life. In all that it is worth living and fighting for. We were given one for whatever reason, to make of it and ourselves the best we possible can. I believe in people, for they are the ones that help us through the tough times and to share in the good times. I believe it is important to have others to hold onto. I believe in oneself, for at times, that’s all we have.

I believe that people do change and situations change, just as the seasons change. As most of us dread or fear change, it is change that challenges us and makes us stronger. It is what defines us and shapes us into the person we were meant to become. I have gone through a great deal of change within the past two months. Not only change, but challenges that I feared I would never have the guts to stand up to. After going through the emotional, as well as physical pain of sexual assault, three weeks later my boyfriend, my best friend, and the guy whom I thought I would marry, broke up with me after five years, for someone else. Up until this point I have felt a great deal of physical pain from getting hit in the face with a baseball bat to two root canals. I even went through the pain of a tattoo on a not- so- thick part of my body. Although physical pain does linger and take time to heal, I have never in my life felt a worse pain then that of a broken heart. It is the feeling that there is a hole in your stomach that makes you so sick you don’t eat or sleep. It starts to eat away at your heart, and then your soul, and finally it takes over your mind. You start smoking cigarettes because that’s the only time you allow yourself to breathe–deep. You start drinking heavily to numb the pain within. And finally you begin to slowly cut your body apart with a kitchen knife because you think that will release the pain. But it doesn’t. None of this helps. Then, it takes over you, and you are gone. You are not yourself, not the person you once were, or thought you should be. You are full of pain, but you feel empty. You are sad, lonely, you are depressed, but most of all, you are lost.

I believe that these situations, when we have fallen into the pit of despair, we realize how strong we really are. It is with these challenges we face that we gain wisdom, strength, and courage. I believe in the bad in order to appreciate the good. I believe in the strong bond of family and friends, for they are the ones to help us out of the pit. I believe in happiness, I believe in dreams, I believe in faith and I believe in love. I believe that laughter is the music for my heart to dance to.

I believe in life. I believe in living. I believe in surviving. I believe that life is not meant to live like you were dying, but to just live it.

Most of all, I believe that there is hope…for all of us.