The gloomy, gray clouds unleash rain on this cool spring morning. Outside my window, I could hear the clamor of the rain caressing each leave on the lonely maple tree. The wind would pick up and cast the rain against my window making the rainfall from my eyes steadily stream down my cheeks onto my pillow. My heart is broken, damaged, and confounded on what caused this agonizing pain in my chest. I felt as though my heart was ripped out my chest and every drop of blood squeezed from it. I had let Love into my life and now it took my heart and ran away. I believe in Love. Yes, that four-letter word that is often used. I know it sounds cliché and silly, but Love conquers through all circumstances. Love is a choice not a feeling. I usually don’t get these feelings unless I let my guard down and become caught up in the endless emotions I experience when I think I’m in Love.
I look in the mirror often and ask myself what it is that people don’t see in me. I’m handsome, genuine, trustworthy, honest, and affectionate. I suppose a few adjectives can’t reveal my inner soul and capabilities I attain. My mom always told me that Love takes time and comes when it’s least expected. If we were all to wait around how are we falling in Love? Does Love have rules and directions to follow? Why does Love encompass those who aren’t capable of keeping a stable relationship? I’m capable of being faithful a characteristic in which many people can’t say they possess nowadays. So why must this cupid keep a chokehold on me and not bless me with my significant companion that I can Love and care for on a daily basis? These questions flow like a river through my mind and confuse me to the point where I want to throw in the towel. I can’t though, I must continue, wait, and sacrifice my time and patience into the mercifulness someone can bring me with the joy I give back.
I believe in the Agape Love. The Love in which is unconditional, self-sacrificing, spiritual, and selfless. The Love, in which, I view my partner as a blessing and the desire to cater for and to not expect anything in return. Agape Love is based upon giving through sharing and knowing all the blessings that have been received with nothing to lose. The Love is total truth in that it does not change, no matter what appears to change around it. Marriage and children symbolize a sacred bond and sex is a gift between the two people. There’s no demands or requirements neither is it judgmental, but is eternally patient with any thing that must be learned. Nothing can be lost and taken. Nothing needs to be given. All that is needed is to be faithful and to be genuine.
Love disguises itself in many forms to challenge us into the significance and values it’s accompanied with. There are many aspects of Love and with that come down falls. I’ve had my hardships relationships. I can remember dropping all of my chores or calling in from work just to be with the one I thought I was in Love with. I gave so much without expecting anything in return yet in still I obtained nothing but lies. As I continued to grow older and experienced failed relationships I quickly caught on to what Love truly can be. I want to embrace and caress my true Love. I want to be able to say ‘I Love You’ without the thought of scaring someone away. To never be ashamed of me and feel embarrassed of me. To accept my flaws and help tie the loose strings between them together. If I could get that one person to Love me then I’m complete. My mom has always taught me that to Love someone and care for someone is the same way you care for your mother. If the Love and respect were present with your mother then the treatment of your partner would be equal.
The only one true thing I really learned was that if all else fails you still have the love and support of family. I remember the days when I was a kid, before having money, paying bills, being in love were irrelevant. The bond I shared between my mother was strong and separation between us never occurred. I would come to her with all my problems with intentions of answers and the love and support I needed. I could cry on her shoulder, tell my secrets, and never worry about the thought of having my secrets let out. I never felt uneasy about being abandoned or being unappreciated. I always knew I had one true friend that would never turn her back on me when the times were tough no matter how much we argued and fought. Till this day we grow stronger and the thought of me growing up to my mother upsets her and makes her look back on the good times we shared.
As I raised my head off my pillow and glanced out the window the sun pierced through the clouds. The warmth of the rays hugged my cheeks and cleared my eyes of the tears that once ran down my face. I realized that Love comes in many forms and can be infatuated on physical, emotional, and mental desires. So instead of letting my heart break again I’m going encompass myself in the Love I have for myself and the Love that encompasses me from those that genuinely care for me and that will continue to shape me into a better man fit for my true Love.
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