hard life

zachary - park city, Utah
Entered on April 23, 2008

When I was young and growing up in my home it wasn’t always the easiest thing. My parents would frequently fight, and argue which was traumatizing. To make matters worse my brother wasn’t the best influence on my life because he didn’t make very good decisions and hung out with the wrong crowd. The fighting with my parents hasn’t stopped. As for my brother he stills is with the wrong crowd and making horrible decisions. The decisions my brother makes is causing my parents to fight and ruining their relationship.

My brother around the age of thirteen got into various drugs and alcohol. He wouldn’t listen to my parents when they told him not to go out, and when they told him he couldn’t hang out with a certain person. He would come home very late reeking of alcohol and marijuana, and here I am sharing a room with him being exposed to all of it. There were often times I would be in the room and he would come in with a bunch of friends and kick me out even when I had friends over. My older brother was never really nice to me he would beat me up just to show off to his friends trying to be cool. I would never really get that brotherly love that older brothers are supposed to give to their younger brothers. When he got older matters got worse. My brother fought with my dad often and get into huge arguments in the middle of the night while I was sleeping. I was about thirteen now and would be woken up to the sound of yells and very explicit swear words and banging against the walls. My dad would be put into a bad mood which would reflect on my mom and then my mom and dad would fight. My brother became a full blown alcoholic at the age of about 18 and then would begin more physical abuse on me and my sister. I remember one day coming home school and walking through the door to my brother yelling at my older sister. I ran up stairs to find him on top of her holding her in a choke hold against a wall. My parents weren’t home so immediately I tried to call my parents and while trying to do so I got grabbed by my older brother and thrown against a wall. Thank god my dad came home shortly after to get my brother off of me and call the cops on him. I remember my sister yelling and calling my brother a bastard and taking me to a CD store to buy me something to calm me down. After this whole ordeal my brother still drank alcohol everyday and would still beat on me and my sister when he had the chance. Around the same time about five months and only sixteen year old my sister told my parents that she was pregnant. Now matters got worse for my family and things didn’t seem to get easier with my brother either. My mom dealing mainly with my sister’s pregnancy had many problems with my brother and the police. The police came to our house about once a week to either be looking for our brother or to announce that he was in jail. I was between the ages of 10 and 15 when all this was happening and seeing what my parents had to go through with my brother and sisters mistakes wasn’t easy on me. I never got into any drugs and never drank alcohol to try and be the good kid in my family and try and make my parents happy. I never wanted to be anything my brother was, actually the exact opposite.

What I believe was to always be the best you can be and never make bad mistakes because it reflects on other people. Growing up I saw my brother waste his life away, my sixteen year old sister have a baby and my parents fighting all the time. Now that I am older, I know that my parents are happy with who I am and I’ve never disappointed them. I know I will amount to something in my life. This I Believe.