Living in a corrupt society such as today’s I’ve learned to believe in something which has quite literally helped me through every opstical that I’ve encountered. For you to simply get a basic understanding of it, you’d have to reach your hands into my heart and feel what I feel. You’d have to open my mind and glimpse far beyond my unusual teenage rationality. You’ve had to have known my step-father.
I’m simply trying to make my point of what I’ve come to believe in my time. The simplicity behind the word “faith” hardly compares to it’s literal definition. This five-lettered word means to have confidence of trust in a person or thing. It’s what I believe keeps the heart beating. It builds trust among yourself and the life you live. Without this trust, is it possible to feel that you’ve lived a meaningful life? Personally, I doubt it. This generation of our society has lost sight of how awe-inspiring this word, “faith” , can be.
I haven’t always had this mentality about faith. At one point, I’d given it all up completely. It only takes one convincing encounter to make you believe something and change your entire aspect of the world. My story begins with my step-father, Ron. Playing the roll as a legend in my own mind, he’s changed my life more that I ever could have imagined. I’ve known him for years now and he’s gradually made his way up the scale from a stranger to a friend. He’s taught me many things from his number of experiences. Having a tough-love relationship between him and I, I’ve become stronger and well equipped for the world which I will soon wonder off into. His wise teachings and thoughtful words have altered my vision and many others as well. Among molding my mind, he’s taught me silly things such as the correct way to throw a punch and how to drive a car. He works hard to put bread on the table and get the bills paid. What his role in the world?… A war-veteran, a husband, a father, a grandfather, and a shoulder to lean on.
He’s never quite taken care of his body, however. Fooling himself, he believed that he was immune to all harmful bodily issues. He believed that he could continue to smoke over a pack a day with a poor diet and that it would have no impact on him. After all, he hadn’t had any problems with this routine so far for his fifty-nine years. It was up until last month that he finally agreed to dispose of this attitude. His heart decided to give him a reality check and cancel out on him. With one artery one-hundred percent clogged and two other arteries fifty and seventy-five percent clogged, he was rushed to the hospital where he had just barely cheated death.
I laid in bed that night faithless. It was like one minute I had a tight grip on my faith, and the next it was seeping through my fingers like melted butter. Sure, things like this happen everyday, but you never take a situation into consideration until you’ve lived through it. I was in a war of head verses heart. I was mentally irrational, and my heart was breaking to pieces. Where was my faith? As I hoped for this ruthless night to end I couldn’t stop asking God why he’d forsaken me.
When I say that I had no faith, I mean it. I was angry with God and the whole world around me. He lived, and for that I am more thankful than anything. He’s living a rather healthy life at the moment, and by that I mean cigarette and junk food free. I still drive him crazy from time to time, but I’m glad that I have the opportunity to. I didn’t realize until he had this heart attack how attached I’ve been to him for all these years. If he went, a part of me went with him as well. He needs to realize that if he falls, we all fall with him. Today, I have faith.
My negativity took control of me. I blame world we’re living in and these corrupt toxins that man has allowed us to pollute our bodies with. However, it’s something we all have to live with, including Ron. Through this experience I was taught that it’s faith that gets you by. My faith was redeemed when I found out that he was going to live. It was a miracle like no other, and I could hardly believe it. God came through, and so did man. The doctors in the emergency room saved his life and gave my step-father another chance to have another play at life. To believe in people and just know that everything is going to be okay is the most profound emotion that you could ever feel. It’s just faith. Trust me, I know.
If you enjoyed this essay, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to This I Believe, Inc.