I believe in optimism. As I sit here pondering, thinking, and trying to understand everything that has happened, there are times when I can’t help but think that the situation could be worse. Steven was my first serious, real relationship. He was also one of many firsts. He is a bad boy by reputation, a punk some say. I believed that there was something more, and for the first three weeks, there was something that was inside that he showed only to me.
Then came a surprise. His words hit me like a car hitting a brick wall. They smashed me. “I don’t know how to say this, but we are both leaving for different colleges in the fall. I can’t handle a relationship right now.” When I received this text message, I felt numb all over, my limbs were shaky, and I felt like someone was punching me in the stomach, without withdrawing their fist. As upset as I was, I curled into the fetal position, drifting in and out of pure, devastated sobs, I listened to the advice my friend gave me. “He’s watching out for you, and you don’t even know it.” These simple words confused me worse than the mathematical lingo used in my trigonometry class. A few days later, a realization came, he was watching out for my heart. Although we weren’t leaving until August, he was trying to prevent my heart from hurting even more.
With this realization, came yet another, my heartbreak could have been much worse. The situation could always be worse. Steven could have died. He could have been in a terrible accident, and I would have regretted every bitter feeling I had against him. He could go to our school, and I would have to see him every day. I would have to pass him in the halls, and look on, biting my lip, trying not to rush up to him, and cry my eyes out. He could have found someone else, instead of me. He could have broke the promises to me, and found someone different. He could have disappeared into the sun, never looking back, never telling me where or why. As I feel the pain and anguish of my heartache, I realize there are so many, perhaps millions of other possibilities that could make the situation worse.
No matter how much life throws at you, no matter how much you want to break down, curl up and die, no matter how much you want to run away, and never let your problems follow you, the situation could always be worse. No matter how much life breaks you down, even if you feel like you are at the bottom, and you can’t see the light, there is always something worse. The glass is always half full, and the realization of this can turn the most horrible situation into one that that is just a little less horrible.
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