This I Believe

Nakilah - Detroit, Michigan
Entered on April 17, 2008

“My Past Will Not Destroy My Future”

This story I am about to tell is a testimony and a nightmare to me. Now that I am older and have met other young girls that have been through this situation, I allow my past, hurt and pain to help someone else get through their situation. This is not the worst part of it; not having your parents believe you or come to your defense can drive you insane. I pray my story will help parents and children.

Fifteen years ago I was raped by a family member, it was one of the worst days of my life. I will not go into grave detail but what I will say is to have that taken away from you is horror especially when a family member does it. I was tied up and could not scream for help, all I could do was cry and ask God, “Why Me”.

I did not know how to tell anyone because he said, “If I said something, nobody would believe me”. So I confided in my best friend at school, who then told the teacher and my parents were called to the school and so was my cousin’s family. I told my teacher the whole situation and just cried in her arm, which was the only time I felt safe and secure. When my mother showed up to the school she seemed so concerned about me but when we got in the car it was a different story. We then arrived to see my father and my mother informed him of everything that happened. I thought my father would have ran to hug and hold me and ask me if I was ok, instead he hit me and called me a “Slut” and said, “What did you do to make him do this to you”? How can a father say that to his child?

Not once was I taken to the hospital or doctor to see if I was ok, nor was charges pressed against my cousin. It was like the incident never happened and everyone moved on with his or her lives. I tried to put it behind me; it caused me to have many sleepless nights and scared to let anyone get close to me.

My freshman year in college I took it upon myself to get checked out by a doctor and to my devastation I was informed that I had an sexual transmitted disease that left me unable to bare children. All I could think was “God Why Me”, I went through college thinking that I was worthless and that I caused all of this to happen to me. Not knowing that God was going to bring me through this and use my past to prepare me for my future. Needless to say years down the line I met a man that is my best friend and accepted my flaws and me. I told my husband of the situation and that I could not bare children and he never once maid me feel less of a women.

I am happy to say that through it all God has blessed me with three beautiful children. Because of my past, God has prepared me for my future. My children will not go through the things that I have been through and I know mentor young girls and anyone that God brings in my path that needs to hear my story. Overcoming your fears is a big step, I was afraid to have children especially a daughter because I did not want to treat her the way my parents treated me. But I am glad to say that God has taught me how to love my children the way he loves me: Unconditionally and everlasting love.

Whomever reads this always know that no circumstance, situation nor tragedy is too big for God to bring you out of. Don’t allow your past to hold you down, make it a stepping-stone and hold your head up and climb to the top.