Don’t Doubt Yourself…Just Believe

Wei - Brookline, Massachusetts
Entered on April 16, 2008

Ever since I was 8 years old, I started doubting myself. That was the year my parents moved to the US and I no longer had their help and encouragement. That year when my parents left, my grandparents were the ones who took care of my sister and me. I had no one I looked up to and nobody to help me. What I longed for was someone to do my work for me. I asked for help so many times because I didn’t think I could do it. It was just impossible. Even with the tutors my parents had hired, I still had difficulty and was mesmerized by all sorts of monotonous problems and questions given as homework, waiting for me on stacks on my desk.

It wasn’t just any homework; all of it was in different languages, with words I hadn’t learned or problems I hadn’t seen or done before. Not only did schoolwork affect me, but chores that required any amount of time left me with a little hope of completing them. Overtime though, I realized that had I not get anything done, I wondered, would my future still turn out successful? Would my tomorrow be better? Thinking back on this, I was troubled by the thought of not being at the same level as my friends. Whatever I did, I just made more mistakes out of it. I knew in my heart that, eventually, it would be finished in no time if I only got busy.

Recently, while watching TV, my mind overflowed with the words from a simple cartoon: “It’s not that you can’t do it, it’s just that you think you can’t do it.” These words struck me. I realized in that moment I shared this same belief. Whenever difficult problems appeared in front of me, I stumbled across them. Now I know that I shouldn’t leave things undone; I should always make a start even if I didn’t like it.

For many years, I struggled with how to get my school work done. The fangs that pierced through my heart tore and ripped me into pieces. I’ve always felt I could never finish my work by myself even though I tried ignoring it. I relied on my parents too much. From the age of 8 until the age of 13, I never found the solution to being a true student. It only occurred to me when I realized I had to keep going to get to the top. Right now, I see myself developing with this new belief. At last, my painful years are now diminishing as I find a light ahead of me.