I believe the only ‘god’ is the one we all possess in our subconscious and abilities. I have been told to rely on God, the man who is helplessly strung onto two wooden boards. He, like I, is just a person, an essence. I believe we should worship no one apart from ourselves. We should spend our lives doing this and looking to find the God in every other being.
I remember distinctly the first time I was teased. He had obnoxiously blonde hair and he called me and my nontraditional family ‘gothic’. After days of tolerance I came to my teacher in tears, choking on my words. I was startled when my teacher asked me the question, “Do you believe Jesus Christ is your savior?” as a response. Growing up outside of church walls, I was convinced Jesus was just a pop star all the other kids idolized staring in Jesus Christ Superstar and manufacturing fashionable fish jewelry. Pushed into the corner, I said ‘yes’ to my amazement, thinking it would help. My teacher smiled and informed me that was all I needed.
A week after the same abuse from my blonde antagonist I was not convinced the thorn-sore Jesus with a biography was my solution. Instead of continuing my prayers to my ceiling before I went to bed each night, I asked my brother for help. He taught me insults and pesters from his age group that were four grades ahead of us. After I spit some hideous words with my sly tongue at the boy, I never heard the word ‘gothic’ ever again.
Everyday I wish I could swallow that word yes and say what I felt, but tears blur both eyes and mind. From now on I tell anyone who asks me if I believe Jesus Christ to be my savior the truth I found at an early age: Praying at night and Sunday gatherings do not save anyone. My life will not be spent in a false cradle with such myths as ‘He will save and guide me’. The only God I have ever known to stop my tears and bring me guidance is myself. So I will live healthy and happy upholding the desires of that God over one who wins the popularity contest.
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