I know it sounds pathetic, but I cannot believe in anything. I love and believe in my family and friends but they are not in the categories of “personal beliefs.” I believe in science that things fall because of gravity but almost everyone does. I wish I could believe in God especially when I am at the point when I need to make life decisions but do not know what to do, so want to be told by someone that I will be happiest if I do such and such. I think the reason I cannot believe in anything has to do with being Japanese in America. From the experience of Japanese culture and American culture, there were times that my beliefs were completely crushed from the culture shock. In fact, they were not even beliefs. They were the foundations of my culture and the views of the world that I had without even realizing them. For example, when I flew from Japan to the U.S for the first time, everyone looked so mean at the airport. It is not about what they said but the way they acted. They may not look mean for me now but at the time when I just came here, they looked super mean. Now I understand that those people are working at the airport where they have to be mean to people to suspect any danger but I was so used to Japan at the time where everyone is extremely polite. The workers in shops, public places, or even at airport literally act like my servants in Japan. I acted ridiculously polite when I was working at the restaurant too and I thought it was normal because that is what everyone does in Japan. There is even a phrase in Japanese that “customers are gods,” implying how seriously they take customers because they are the sources of their wages. And I thought everywhere else in the world was like that too. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not boasting about how Japanese culture is awesome. That is not my point. My point is that I have some experiences that I had no choice but to change my view about the world. So what should I believe now? What can I believe? Sometimes societies do weird things to me to make me believe in what they say is true. But I know that once I am out of that society, things can be completely different. So, I need to keep my eyes wide open, and ask myself what can be true or right. This I believe.
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