Waiting until marriage…

Alexandra - Easthampton, Massachusetts
Entered on April 14, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

I believe in saving myself for when I am married. I believe in waiting for that special someone. No matter how absurd and impossible that may seem in the world we live in today, this I believe. I consider sex to be an act of profound love and true intimacy. An act that brings people together in all forms possible and demonstrates passion, closeness, friendship, confidence and honesty.

I am no idiot. I have been in various difficult situations where it is hard to know what you want, and even harder to say no. I have had two serious relationships that have made me doubt my beliefs. The first one ended when I was sixteen and he was nineteen. We had been together for almost two years, hence, the big issue in our relationship was sex. He wanted sex and I didn’t. I did love him and therefore I began to question myself because I felt truly pressured by him. In all our fights he would bring the topic up and wouldn’t ever let it go. I know that relationships need more than simply holding hands and kissing, however, I didn’t want to take our relationship all the way to sex. He couldn’t understand me, so we broke up.

With my second relationship it was even harder to not have sex. He was twenty-two and I was eighteen, and we had been together for a year. We were at that stage where we would go, along with other couples, camping and to the beach almost every weekend. All the other couples were having sex except us, thus sex was always on both our minds. He didn’t directly pressure me, but every time we were alone together he always wanted to take things a step further. He, I have to admit, was almost perfect; I even thought he was the one. So, it was extremely difficult for me to continue saying no time after time, because sometimes I did want to take things all the way. I asked myself over and over if I was sure I wanted to wait until I got married. I even criticized myself for having such demanding and ancestral beliefs. Nothing happened and our relationship ended because he had sex…with someone else.

I now know that probably every time I am in a relationship it is going to be hard saying no and being true to what I believe in. I am going to want to take things further and even challenge my own beliefs. I am only nineteen and as I get older my virginity is only going to bring more problems to my relationships. However, I believe that when I find that special someone, he is the one who is going to encourage me to be faithful to my beliefs and not make me doubt them. In many ways, I believe keeping my virginity will help me find the right man: one who is going to love me enough to understand and respect my beliefs, with no need of pressuring me or having to look for sex in other places.

I believe in saving myself for when I am married because waiting makes me feel like I have something special to offer to the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with that no one else can. It is not that I don’t want to, I simply choose not to. And I know that the right man for me is going to value that.