I believe in life

Andrew - Rexburg, Idaho
Entered on April 8, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

I believe in life.

When I answered the phone to the news of Grandmother’s death I was devastated and despondent. My heart sank as though my whole body had just turned into a pile of mush. My mind kept racing back and forth trying to push out the news, “She can’t be dead, she’s grandma”! I would say to myself.

Grandma had stomach cancer for about 6 months and it finally got to the point where she couldn’t eat. I knew it was only a matter of time, but didn’t want to accept it. I spent as much time with her as I could, thinking about the life she had lived and all the things she had done for me. I remember flying down the neighbor’s driveway on my bike and slamming into a camper trailer. She came running out across the street and carried me back inside the house to ice and wrap my bleeding head. She always seemed to pick me up when I fell, or would hold when I was scared or cried. I remember waking up to the smell of sausage and bacon sizzling on the grill, scrambled eggs and a big glass of milk or orange juice. It was like staying at a five star hotel.

Grandma always tried to make life comfortable for me, and she did it at the expense of her own comfort. As I sat at the funeral home looking at her, I didn’t see Grandma. I saw a lifeless, empty look-alike. It didn’t seem real, like it had actually happened. This was the first time I lost someone close and I wasn’t sure how to react. I would smile with happiness and chuckle at some of the memories; then in an instant, my lips would start to quiver as tears began to form in my eyes for the times she touched me the most. I heard my aunt Dora say, “Why her, why did she have to die”? My mind and heart screamed from within, “Why not! Why not her”? She lived a grand life, always putting others and especially myself before her.

I’m always told, “It’s not how many years you live, but how you live in those years that count”.

Because of Grandma I find myself sharing more, being more serious in my relationships, caring for others more so they can be comfortable, at the expense of my comfort. I find myself wanting to fulfill all my dreams and ambitions in this life, trying to take advantage of every moment that I still have. Most of all, I want to spend my time with those I love and care about the most.

I believe a loved one throughout your life, is a loved one throughout eternity. I cherish every moment, because I don’t know when the next will be.