Where Is The Love?

Crystal - San Antonio, Texas
Entered on April 7, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

Where Is The Love?

Children are not disposable they are made to be loved. There are too many parents that would rather ditch their own child, than deal with it. The ones that get hurt the most are the children. I believe anyone can create a child but it takes a real person to “raise” a child. I also believe people who have children and ditch them, get off way to easily.

My dad is the best man in the world and I love him to death, but he is one of the coldest people as well. My father was barely born and his parents left him on a strangers door step and never turned back. They left him and a note in a baby carriage, rang the doorbell and left. Who does that? They had no clue if anyone would have been able to take care of him or not, they didn’t care! My father grew up as a slave on a rice farm in Beaumont, Texas. He did attended school and instead of being a normal child, he was the slave of the farm. He was not to go out and have fun; there was work to be done. There was a time toward the middle of his high school years that he was allowed to play football and then straight back to the farm. The people that fed and clothed him, his “parents”, did not attend his school functions, they did not allow dating or parties. They never showed him love and affection, therefore, as I grew up, being my wild self and doing unruly things to my adopted mom, he never knew how to just love me. I thought he hung the moon and just needed him to step up and be both parents. I was completely confused about life and adults and couldn’t understand why my adopted mom needed to be there, why not just him and I? It is now I understand, he couldn’t. He never felt love as a child, I needed my adopted mom to survive and conquer my emotional issues. And if not for her I would not be the person I am to day. She is my “mom” she always has been I just didn’t understand it.

I have my own personal story of my life that makes me believe the way I do. My mother left me with my father when I was six months old. Of course, I did forget who she was because I was so young; however, the impact that it has had on the rest of my life will never be forgotten. I was an emotional wreck and lashed out at every female adult that walked into my life. It wasn’t until I was about 8 that I started acknowledging that my adopted mom was not really my mom. I didn’t understand how my mother could just not care, what did I do wrong? In asking that very question to myself day in and day out, I started letting it get to me, I hated my self, my parents, my siblings, and any authority figure that crossed my path. I started getting in to trouble with school and then decided who cares. My parents finally had to put me in a hospital to get the help I needed because they were scared of my temper and needed sleep at night. I know now that they were really trying to help me, however, at the time I thought they were ditching me as well. I just recently made amends with my parents. It has been 27 years since my biological mother ditched me and I have just begun learning how to deal with the emotional issues that haunt me everyday.

My stepson is an emotional wreck about from his dad’s lack of involvement. His dad decided on a Thanksgiving Day that it was a wise decision to get married, quit his job, and move 6 hours away. Do you have any idea how devastating it is to a child to hear these words from his dad? I have been more of a parent to him than his father could ever be and his still father reaps all the benefits. I hear I love dad and dad this and dad that. Who cares, he isn’t even here. He calls maybe once a week if he can remember and sees you once or twice a year. Who is he? When he isn’t calling we have to see my stepson mopping around because dad won’t call back or dad won’t answer his phone; why does he have to rip out this kids heart? He actually told us he hates himself, so now we wonder if is mentally destroying him self? He used to have a bad temper that would cause him to have time out and then he would break down and cry and tell us what was wrong. We went through about a year of that. This is what I mean by saying the children are the ones who get hurt. What happened to the time when a child’s biggest worries were if they could watch their favorite show or play outside?

I realized after years of acting out I was not alone there are a ton of parents who walk out on there responsibilities everyday. It is not a child’s fault their parents don’t want them, they need you. Children go through a lot of emotional issues and some of them have multiple emotional and physical issues. Some blame and psychologically destroy themselves. Other children may get full of hate and rage and they lash out at anything or themselves just to get some frustration out. Some children have been known to have a fear of being left behind. You will notice those children, no matter what is going on or who is around they will not leave that one persons side. Then there are also children that wake up in the middle of the night scared stiff, screaming because they are having nightmares that they are alone and they don’t know where they are. These nightmares can stay with a child for years, possibly their whole life.

I have learned to be a parent. Patience is not my best virtue but I am working on it. One of the best things in life is a child and I couldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Teaching some one and watching them learn is one of the best feelings you could ever feel. To hear the words “ I love you” back and know they mean it and you can feel it or just to see them smile and laugh, nothing can replace the sound of a child’s laughter. They are adorable when they become their own personalities and get their own little attitudes. They think they are all big and mature, but couldn’t walk out the front door without needing you. You will know you did great when they become a real responsible adult that knows love and can accept and show it to everyone they meet.

I believe anyone can create a child but it takes a real person to “raise” a child. I also believe people who have children and ditch them, get off way to easily.