Pefect Imperfections

Alexandria - Soldotna, Alaska
Entered on April 2, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: forgiveness

All my life, I’ve felt as though everything has to be perfect. What is perfection? It means something different to all people. I have always thought that perfect means I must do everything better or the same as everyone else. I’ve always lived my life this way, and it has always left me upset and unable to laugh at myself for a simple mistake.

My biggest conflict in life is living it. I want everyone to think that I am the epitome of everything. In school, people have made nicknames such as “the nice girl” or “the girl who always smiles” because I was the sweetest kid who understood and helped everyone with their problems. My problem was that I chose to look cheery and act it, that I never showed my true emotions. Since no one knew of my inside pain, no one knew to help. Instead I felt as though no one cared for me, and I slipped into depression. In order to make it seem that I had a perfect life, I made every one happy…but myself.

Then an emotional event, involving my image, took place during my fifth-grade year, that couldn’t hide an imperfect life, and I was left in self-pity. I knew that what had happened to me wasn’t supposed to happen to girls and I wondered, “Why me?” I felt fat and ugly. During this time period, I knew I couldn’t hide my problem with a smile and I was able to talk about my feelings with my mom. Conversing with my mother made me know that someone cared for me and I was actually happy. I realized. Living a perfect life wasn’t so perfect at all.

The journey of all life comes with mistakes. My mistakes let me look back on life and laugh saying, “Why in the world did I do that?” I am now able to share my feelings with friend and family and they respect me as me. To this day, I still believe I must try to be perfect 99.98 percent of the time, but no one is perfect 100 percent of the time.