Too Much of a Good Thing?

Kate - Pleasant Grove, Utah
Entered on April 1, 2008
Age Group: Under 18

I am fifteen. I have not had a boyfriend. I have not cared to have a boyfriend. Why? It’s quite simple really. When I see couples in junior high, the only emotion I feel for them is pity. It’s just not their best decision. The constant struggle of power in the relationship makes me cringe as my mind slowly decays as I watch them. They say they love each other, but, to their friends, they are constantly complaining about this or that. “He’s so controlling!” “She’s so possessive!” All I can think is, “Enough already! If you’re so unhappy then why are you still with them?! it’s not like you’re married!” And then, they’ll come back with the ingenious, “But I love them…” response. Of course, a few days later, one or the other will decide they just want to be friends, this leaving one or both parties feeling upset and lonely-for a few days, possibly a week. Then they get over it and start everything over again with someone else, or possibly even the same person (like they’ve changed a whole lot). Talk about masochistic. I believe that steady dating in junior high is the most heinous act of self-mutilation known to man.

One of my best friends has had the same boyfriend since March of last year. Their relationship has been so up and down. They’ll have one or two great days when they can just enjoy each other and be happy but, then there’s weeks after that are full of anger and sadness. I don’t understand why they’re still together when there are so many more bad days than good. In junior high, isn’t there enough drama? So why do they just keep adding to it? Their relationship is pretty much one-sided. She’s supportive and all he does is occasionally ask how she is. Of course, she’ll start to tell him and then, somehow, he gets the conversation focused back on him. From where I stand, the relationship is about him.

That’s what I see happen in almost all relationships. I see one of them so dependent on the other to make them feel good. To make them feel like they’re worth something. But then, that brings up the question: how can you love someone when you don’t even like yourself? You’re pretty much using them for the sole purpose of boosting your own self-esteem because you are unable to accomplish said task bye yourself.

In junior high, you are going through different stages, discovering what you like about yourself. But when you’re so focused on making someone else happy, you don’t have anymore room in your mind to think about you. To know what you want to be, what you want to do, how you want to spend your time Junior high is time that should be used for finding yourself and not someone else. This I believe.