On My Own

Desiree - norwalk, Connecticut
Entered on April 1, 2008

I believe that you should always depend on yourself and no one else. I believe that is the only way things will get done. Depending on other people will only put you in the position to get let down. Do it yourself and what you need will get done.

I gave birth at sixteen years old to my daughter. Her father left me three weeks after she was born. I learned quickly that if I needed anything for myself and my daughter I would have to do it on my own. To support a child at a young age was going to be hard and I knew that. The people that were around me didn’t always give me the positivity I needed from them. Sometimes it was like people didn’t think I could do it. My friends hardly came around. People just wanted to talk to me to be nosey and say what they wanted to their friends about seeing me struggle. There was a lot of humiliation for me. My daughter’s first six months were all based around drama. I always had someone telling me where her father was and how he was with this girl and that girl. I was easily torn apart by this. Looking into my daughter’s eyes all I could see was him. I struggled all the time and prayed that things would get better. I wanted help and began to doubt that I could do it on my own. But being the independent girl I am I pulled it together and started to believe that the only person I needed to get things done is myself.

There were arguments everyday between myself and her father Richie. Screaming and crying was changing nothing. It was the same conversation everyday every week, month after month. It was getting old.

“Why can’t you just grow up and be responsible, you can never just spend one week end with her!” I would tell him.

“Yes I can.” he would say. But

the next weekend he was out with his friends again.

“I need money for diapers. She needs clothes and you around her.” I’d say.

Then I’d hear him tell me “I don’t have any money I’m broke!”

But yet he’d be driving a car on a full tank of gas every night with his boys. Again my daughter would keep going nights and nights with out him around. He didn’t provide clothes, food, or diapers for her. That’s when I knew it was a waste of time. Ever since then I have been providing for my daughter with out his help and I don’t plan on asking him for anything again.

After all the fights and the pain he put me through he taught me the most valuable lesson I have learned in life. Thanks to Richie I now do everything for myself and believe that it’s a waste of time to ask for anyone’s help when the best way to do things are on your own.