At least once a week, I go into my basement and close all of the windows and doors and turn up the radio. After I do this, I feel free to be myself. No one can hear my venting or crying or laughing or whatever it is that I decide to do. If I choose to vent about teachers and parents, it’s fine. If I want to cry about boy problems, it’s great. If I want to laugh at siblings and crazy friends, it’s absolutely okay. No one but myself will judge me for it. In my basement, I can actually be myself.
I believe that a person rarely shows their true colors and has different personalities for different people. When I am with one of my more artistic friends, I usually show just the part of me that likes art. I doodle a great deal around her and we talk about improvements we could make on our artwork. If I am with my friend who absolutely loves sports, I try to show just the part of me who can take a beating and run really long and hard. When I am around her, we usually mess around: we bike or play soccer or do Dance Dance Revolution. She is also the friend that I feel I am losing. Most of my other friends are total, full-out GIRLS. They love pink and glitter and teddy bears and boys. When I am with my sporty friend, it’s hard not to transition back to girl mode while I’m there. My girl personality is taking over all of my personalities and I really wish that I could just show all of them without feeling out-of-place.
I am very self-conscious. If I am put into a situation where there are many eyes on me, I notice every short-coming in myself. When that happens, I do my best to get it over with as soon as possible. This usually results in not showing any emotion and making a fool of myself. I recently discovered that this was because I am not very sure of myself and it doesn’t help that I have a very crazy personality. However, I am becoming much better at showing whom I really am. I have made many new friends this way and I hope that I will be able to make many more.
If I need to lock myself in a room to show my true personality, so be it. This I believe.
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