Growing Pains

Keiona - Nashville, Tennessee
Entered on March 19, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: family, setbacks

Domestic Violence is a serious issue that people face everyday. It is the most common abuse towards women and children. People living with domestic violence may feel as though they are the reason the abuser acts the way they do. Children that also experience this abuse, may also feel that they are responsible for they way they are being treated. Children normally grows up feeling that no one can be trusted and then begin avoiding people. This abuse not only affects the victim that is being abused, but the child that witness the abuse also. However, Domestic Violence in the home is the biggest contributor that causes emotional distress, suicidal thoughts, and aggressive behavior within the victim.

Growing up as a child was not easy for me. Due to domestic violence in my home, life for me was hell. Being a victim and also witnessing the abuse, affected me a lot. This affect caused me to experience emotional distress. The feeling of depression and anger was two of the most common effects that I experience due to domestic violence.

This mental distress affected my everyday life. I became hostile and withdrawn from family and friends. I experienced long sleepless nights, because of flashbacks that will often occur in my sleep. I began to show hatred towards men as I got older in age. Having a relationship was difficult for me to adjust to, knowing how a man once abused my mom. In my relationships, I was insecure about myself and about my relationship with that partner. I always had my guards up in my relationships, no matter how nice he my seem.

Due to having emotional distress, I soon became a high risk for suicide. The feeling of negligence with no one to turn to contributed to my thoughts of suicide. I often dreaded going home after school, because I knew what to expect. I also thought that if I did not go home, that my mom would be in a lot of danger. I knew that I had to do something about my situation, but had no one to reach out to for help. Because of this, suicide was my next move. I began to feel that life would be better without me in it. Even though those feelings were my inner thoughts, I knew that I needed to find help immediately even if it meant leaving my mother behind.

I later found the help that I needed to deal with my emotions and therefore, I no longer thought suicidal. But there is one effect that I continue to struggle with and that’s aggressive behaviors. Growing up and witnessing my mother being abused continues to haunt me everyday. Because of this and the way that I was also treated, I have a problem controlling my temper. I sometimes catch myself being verbally abusive toward my husband and others. I sometimes wake up having a negative attitude in the mornings not knowing why I feel this way. I have a hard time controlling my actions when dealing with an issue. I’m sometimes vengeful towards people who upsets me or does something to me that reminds me of my past. When arguing with my husband, I often bring up my past experiences with domestic violence. As of today, I continue to fight through this affect and find ways to overcome and deal with this violent behavior. But as time continue to pass, I continue to show improvement day by day.

Domestic Violence is one of the most dangerous situation to be in. As you just learn, domestic violence can affect a person in many ways. Whether the abuse is physically or psychologically, this can have a negative impact on someone’s life. As for myself, living among domestic violence impacted my life a lot. The impact consists of emotional distress, suicidal thoughts, and aggressive behaviors. Being abuse caused me a lot of hurt and pain. Over the recent years, I have struggled as an adult with guilt and shame. Just remember that being a victim of domestic violence is not okay and that help is out there whenever you need it. I believe that having a second chance of life is possible.

No matter how bad your situation may be, there is hope. Hope is what I believe will save lives from domestic violence.