I Will Survive

Carly - Allendale, Michigan
Entered on March 18, 2008

As a characteristically anal, uptight, worry wart, I have been searching all of my twenty-one years of life for something or someone to tell me to chill the heck out, and then give me a good reason as to why they think that that would be okay to do. The day finally came when an older, wiser individual, more educated in such things, finally gave me a good reason as to why worrying wasn’t going to do me any good anymore. In fact, this uptight way of life was denying me from enjoying all the unexpected blessings found in the midst of a mental breakdown. The truth was, all that needed to happen was that I needed to develop a belief that everything would turn out okay. Simple as that.

It was a Sunday morning in late summer, and I was sitting where a great amount of the national population would also find themselves on such a morning: church. While I am sure it is easy for many to say that a sermon has changed their life, that morning I finally understood what exactly a life-changing sermon consisted of. It consisted of something to believe in, beyond the name of the man you were there to worship. It consisted of something that, if you developed a strong enough belief in, could change your life. The older, wiser individual that I needed was my priest. That morning he reminded my congregation that no matter how many things need to be accomplished in a person’s life one must believe that everything will work itself out. On top of this, he explained that worrying about all that there is to do only prevented individuals from experiencing the hidden blessings in their lives. At that moment, I was finally hearing for myself that it was okay to relax even when there were still things on my to-do list. And on that Sunday I finally believed it.

By allowing my mind to find peace in such a theory I also allowed myself to relax. Prior, I was caught up in only what had to get done and was robbing myself of enjoying the moments in-between. During these times I was completely ignoring the simple things in life. Instead of enjoying the company during a dinner I would be thinking about the paper that still needed to be written. Instead of laughing at friends jokes or stories I snapped at those trying to have fun, making time spent with me unpleasant. Instead of laughing at my clumsiness when breaking a dish that would require time to clean up, I cried because there were too many other things that still needed to get done and this would only set me back further. And for what? I wasn’t allowing myself or others to have fun when there were things to be done, because I had fell victim to letting stress run my life. But by beginning to accept the belief that things would turn out ok I am now able to enjoy more and more of the blessings that are hiding in between the items on my to-do list.

After accepting the belief that everything would be okay, I realized I had been wasting a whole lot of time worrying. And on top of that, the way of life that I was leading was making life for me and those around me nearly miserable. Now during times of stress I listen to that small voice telling me that everything will be okay. And now, more and more often, I actually listen to it, knowing that it just might be okay to chill the heck out… for at least a little while.