Semi-permanent happiness can be bought for $.99 at the local corner store, possibly in a Buy One Get One Free sale.
On absolutely terrible days, when all I want to do is throw on my pajama pants and hide in some blankets, I have a reoccurring thought. God I want chocolate. This usually happens because I’m at school, or in a car, and I don’t have my pajama pants. Instead, I have a conveniently small Snickers in my messenger bag that promises a tiny hint of gratification guaranteed to boost my mood a little bit.
Once, during a rather vicious argument with my best friend, complete with screaming and threats to hate each other forever, it got to the point where I needed to walk away before I said something unforgivable. What did I do? I went to my bag and grabbed a Twix. I received the most savage pleasure ever just by crunching that poor Twix bar to crumbs, then; I offered the other bar to my friend as an olive branch. I managed to work my aggression out on a candy bar.
Unusually, my mom and I have a good relationship, with minimal yelling. But, since I’m a teenager, eventually I’ll do something to send her off on a rampage (like ignore the dishwasher for four days). After the tongue-lashing, I can either keep my head down for a couple days, or I can buy a Coffee Crisp. The two-inch thick wafer cookie with a creamy coffee center says, I’m sorry, I love you, I’ll do better. Luckily for me, Coffee Crisp doesn’t cost much; otherwise I might actually have to follow through on that last one.
Halloween was big (and I mean big), when I was in elementary school. Dressing up, obnoxious music and parties galore, it was the one day a year where kids could run wild with their dads (Christmas doesn’t count- who wants to tear it up in 8 inches of snow and parachute pants?) while the moms passed out sweets. On a good Halloween, the take could be an entire pillowcase. I gorged myself on Milky Ways and traded with my siblings for the preferred candy (it wasn’t a hardship to give up my Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups for my brother’s 3 Musketeers-that sucker), strengthening sibling bonds and creating future favors (“Remember that time I gave you my Baby Ruth for absolutely nothing? Yeah, time to pay the piper, sis. I want…” fill in the blank).
People often say, “With enough duct tape, I can save the world.” (People also say, “With enough duct tape, I can take over the world.” Funny how that works.) I personally think that’s a load of bologna. Duct tape just sticks things together, usually without the objects’ consent. The saying should be “Enough chocolate will save the world,” because while I don’t have very good memories of adhesive strips, I have thousands of chocolate.
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