I believe that surviving the divorce of my parents is going to be the hardest thing I have ever have to do. My parents had been married for thirty years until my father decided to file for divorce. That was quite the surprise. Just two short days after my brother’s wedding, my father told my mother than he had already filed the papers necessary to end their marriage. No one had seen it coming. Supposedly he has been unhappy in the marriage for “awhile now.” Yet, no one noticed his unhappiness – not my mother, not myself, not my brothers, no one. The ending to my parents’ wedding occurred way too soon after the beginning of my brother and sister-in-law’s married life.
Now, seven months after my father decided he wanted a divorce, my parents still haven’t been able to sell the house and they still haven’t come to an agreement on the alimony and benefits my father will still provide for my mother and myself. The divorce has been put into motion but is currently at a stand-still because of all of the paperwork. I guess the only positive thing about the divorce taking so long is that I am starting to feel numb. In the beginning, I would cry every day – little sniffles or sobbing for hours at a time. The tears would come from thinking about my mom and sometimes they would come randomly. It seemed like, out of nowhere, I would be swept up in my emotions. I’ve begun to forget about wanting the divorce to be erased – I used to want to go back to before my dad filed those papers and we could be a “happy” family again.
I’ve definitely grown through this experience. I still have my “happy” family with my mother and brothers – my dad is just out of the picture. My mother and I just fine with it being just the two of us – growing closer every day, being thankful for having each other to lean on. I go with her to meetings with her divorce attorney, trial dates, and alimony hearings. I just couldn’t imagine her going by herself. I know how difficult this must be for her and somehow that makes me not want to break down even more. My mother has always been the strong person in my life, she’s always been there for my brothers and I, and if there was any situation in which she might crumble under the pressure this would be it. I could never forgive myself if in the one time that she needed me the most I wouldn’t be strong enough for her.
The fact that there are so many emotions tied to the divorce makes me realize that I’m not the only one that is having to deal with it. I’m only twenty years old and I feel wise beyond my years. Being strong for my mother makes me feel positive about myself during the most negative experience of my life.
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