The fact that someone could be sharing my boyfriend with me, feeling what I was supposed to feel, was hurtful. Her away messages on the internet instant messenger, calling him her baby and saying she misses him, were knives and needles to my heart. I just kept my mouth shut because I didn’t want him to think I was a nag who didn’t trust him. He had already told me she was just a “friend.”
One day her away message said, “I had fun with my baby Terrance.” I could have driven one of the knives from my heart into both of their chests. I wanted them both to feel what I felt. Instead, I sent him this long text message. I wrote, “I can’t take being lied to anymore because I know you’re not being honest with me about your so-called friend!” He didn’t even text back, shockingly, he called. He said he never knew how I felt, or that I knew about any of the away messages. He explained how unhappy he was because of our distance, physically, verbally, and mentally. The part that hurt the most, and still does, is that he took her virginity. People might think I’m crazy for staying with him, but I think the fact that we weren’t communicating caused it. Now that we are open with one another, I trust and believe it’s less likely to happen once more.
I realized that you never know someone’s feelings until you address the problem, or at least speak up when you think something is wrong. I believe in the power of communicating because it brings people closer together. Sometimes keeping your mouth shut draws a line between two people who love each other. You may never know how far the two of you will go if you never talk, as opposed to when you do and you start seeing things from their point of view, while building a tighter bond. When my boyfriend and I first got together, communication was at an all time level of none. We never spoke and were so busy doing other things that we never thought about how the other person felt. I never knew how bad he wanted me to open up and talk to him, as well as him not knowing how uncomfortable I was to even ask to see him. When we got the chance to express our feelings to one another, things changed drastically.
Now we make sure we speak many times everyday. We see each other anytime there’s no school or work. We go out to eat at BBQ’s and IHOP, and shop together. I feel I can rely on him for anything. I know that feeling is mutual. He is my best friend. We aren’t into the instant messaging thing anymore. We have each other’s passwords but we barely sign on, because there’s really no room to converse with anyone else.
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