Everything happens for a reason

Ana - Portland, Oregon
Entered on March 13, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

I believe that life holds no regrets or remorse because everything happens for a reason. Death, birth, love, hate, and war, are all part of a random complex plan called life. Every little aspect of life has reason.

My senior year of high school, I found out I was pregnant. I had recently been given a full scholarship to community college…life saver. I was captain of the soccer team and was good at playing. I had no clue of what was happening. I couldn’t grasp that a life growing inside of me, until the third test. I realized what a gift I had. All of a sudden my world turned from slide tackling to pink, blue or green…surprise me. I was in complete paradise. Nothing mattered to me, I was engulfed in baby names, what cute clothes he or she would wear and how cool it would be to have the belly.

I kept procrastinating on going to the doctor to get my prenatal pills. I thought that if I kept a good diet I would be fine. One night after fighting with my mother I began to have cramps. I faked taking some pills and went to sleep. I woke around twelve at night with horrible cramps. I limped to the bathroom. I was having a miscarriage. I woke up my parents to drive me to the emergency room. I spilled the beans to my parents through screams of pain. They injected me with morphine so I could relax. Laying there on the bed I felt dead as if the world had just burned every good from it.

I took a week off of school and fell far behind. That whole week I grew so much. I realized that having a baby is not like having a pet dog you name and dress it is a real responsibility. The life growing inside me was the best gift in the world of which I had no clue how to care for economically. If I ended up with the baby I would have to figure out how to keep a job while being pregnant and also once it was born. Day care would be a major issue as to both me and my partner would be working none stop. Also the stress would affect our relationship and also give a horrible first year to my child. I know see that my belief that every thing happens for a reason is true. I now plan to have a child once I have finished my education and am making enough money to support myself and my child. I hold absolutely no regrets or remorse of what has happened to me. I see this as a lesson to further myself in the future. I see this as a chapter in my life that had to happen to shape me into the person I am today, a head strong women who will further herself in life.