I believe that I am the most important person in the world, probably much more important than you. Since I was a young lad at the tender age of fifteen, I have lived my life knowing that most everyone else on the planet was put here for my amusement (especially those special needs kids, I get a stitch in my side every time I see them), by the Nordic gods of war.
One night while I slept, the Viking deities Thor, Heimdall, and Frayer came to me in a dream. I knew it was them because one carried a large hammer, one had bloodshot eyes, and one was carrying a large halibut across his back.
“Behold,” said Frayer, “Thou art the most important person in the world, save for those choice few warriors that have pleased us. If thou wishes to be counted among them and reside in the halls of Valhalla, seek out one such choice one and form a coterie with him. There is but one such man in thy vicinity, Daniel Slizynski, who is much loved by the Viking Gods. But be ye warned; Daniel Slizynski is much taken with pride because of his talent in battle and our esteem of him, and seeks to place himself above his equals. Humble him, and at that great and last day of Ragnarok is at hand, the two of you might fight side by side against Loki and the forces of Evil”.
I then awoke and set out to befriend and humble this “Daniel Slizynski”, and train for the day when we are both called to fight for Valhalla.
Though I have been told my dream was inspired by a piece of questionable meat, and not by the Norse Lords of the sky, I still believe I’m better than most everyone else in the world.
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