Anger Management for the Greater Good
I believe in pissing people off.
A lot of people believe in a lot of things: love, conformity, nonconformity, living life to its fullest, and all that jazz. I do too, I guess, but it would get rather boring after a while. Everyone would be in love, or agreeing, or disagreeing, or accepting it, or adventuring, or whatever else it is that all those whacko civilians do. If we all do the same different thing, how are we different? What fun is that?! Instead of believing in these things, or even transcendentalism, which is pretty tempting, I choose to believe in challenging beliefs in the most entertaining way possible. I choose to see how many enemies I can make at the end of the day. This wonderfully peaceful and humble practice of life has to very prominent advantages: It promotes change, variety, and it’s just so gall-darn fun I can’t help myself!
Pissing people off seems like the wrong way to make friends and get ahead in life, but I find it to be quite the contrary. In my theology class, I’ll sometimes contradict people and be difficult just to see how they respond. Whether I face The Holy Wrath of Stephanie Souza, or go toe-to-toe with The Great Chuck Tacke Himself, it’s always interesting to see someone defend their beliefs, no matter if it’s pro-life versus pro-choice or a broken counter, I find these things fascinating in a sense that is eerily reminiscent of a cruel, heartless psychologist studying test subjects, not people.
My freshman year, the sixth period math class was talking as animatedly as an angry walrus about Bishop Kelly football (go figure), and I decided to politely inter ject my opinion on the matter. This polite interjection came in the form of my dull roar of a voice screaming “FOOTBALL SUCKS!!!!!” 26 angry glares immediately flashed my way. I tried not to laugh, as many of the students began hounding me for being, among other things, un-American, a wussie, jealous, and gay. Many of those kids are now good friends.
Pissing people off is a great stress release. In the infamous words of the wisdom of Calvin and Hobbes, nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it. If I’m having a bad day, then my sister should too, by gum, and I’m gonna make sure it happens!!! Water balloon, loud music, blatant rudeness, I WILL achieve anger!!
However, while these causes are worthy enough for my knighthood, the greatest and most noble cause for making people angry is this: it promotes a well-spring of change and thought, leading conversations in directions one never thought possible. Nobody likes to be challenged on their beliefs, and tension can rise quickly as people get defensive. This happens today especially concerning the issues of politics, religion, and moral issues such as genocides in Darfur and abortion rights. Regularly playing Devil’s Advocate in English and theology class, I am astounded to find that it is often the unexpected people who would seem to be too stereotypical and unintelligent to contribute who have the most interesting things to say. All it takes to coax it out is a little motivation and provocation.
Making enemies, making friends, getting smarter, it’s all the same, as far as I’m concerned. All that’s required is a little motivation, in the form of pointless (or so it would seem, Aaaahhhahahahahaha!!!) provocation. Pissing people off is the greatest thing since sliced bread.
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