My Own Faith
I believe in faith.
I was raised in a Christian family where the existence of God was not questioned, but rather stated as a fact. I could quote scriptures and bible passages by heart, and tell all of my friends how much God loved them. I was a good child. I did not drink, smoke, curse, or do anything that was thought questionable. The problem was that I believed in my parent’s faith, not my own.
For me, having faith was believing in God and living the “right way.” It was not until after August 22, 2006, that I found what it really meant to have my own faith.
To say that my father was speeding that morning would have been an understatement. All that could be heard within the car was the rhythmatic beating of the cars hazard lights flashing, unquenchable tears, and muffled prayers. We got the call that she had fallen. However, this was all that I knew. My family and I drove for about an hour not knowing what had happened, where she was, or even if we would ever see my sister again.
This was the first time I had ever truly questioned my faith. I vividly remember asking God for answers and trying to receive comfort. At one point I even gave God the ultimatum that if He was truly real, He would catch her from her fall and not let her feel pain.
Hours later, my family and I were met by the Zion National Park Ranger. This is where we were informed that she had fallen from a very high cliff, and did not make it. I was instantly filled with anger, hatred, brokenness, and sorrow that could not be expressed. What did they mean, “she did not make it?” Where was God? He was supposed to catch her. These were just some of the questions and thoughts that ran through my head.
A few days later, I began putting together some of her favorite items for the memory table. It was filled mostly with her pictures, perfume, bible, starbucks drink, and some of her other favorite things. Among the items were three things that caught my eye and made me discover my own faith: sun glasses, four mints, and her wedding ring. There was nothing special about these objects. They were sun glasses that she had probably bought from Wal Mart, every day dinner mints, and her wedding ring. However, what made these objects special was the fact that she was wearing them when she fell. When I learned that she had these objects on her person, I was instantly speechless and afraid to touch them. As I began to look closer at every object I noticed something strange. They were all in one piece. They were not even remotely damaged. Every single mint was perfectly round without cracks, there were no scratches on her lens, and her wedding ring still had its elegant sparkle.
At that point I was instantly awe struck. It was proof in my life that God did catch her. Even today it is difficult to put the emotions and feelings of this situation into words. However, for me, losing my sister helped me to find and believe in my own faith.
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