I believe I will recover.

Holly - Washington, District of Columbia
Entered on March 6, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: addiction, hope

I believe that I will recover.

I am 26 years old and have had some form of an eating disorder since I was 12 years old. In a nation fixated on losing weight and counting calories, eating disorders are not the glamorous affliction of the thin. They torment women of all body types. Eating disorders are not just about food, they are about the unspeakable pain women carry with with them everyday.

I have come to understand my eating disorder as an addiction, something that I use to find a sense of control when my life seems unmanageable. My eating disorder has become a dependable “voice” for unspoken anger and sadness.

I have starved myself to dangerous and dizzying proportions. I have binged and purged and abused laxatives to find validation for my life through a number on a scale. My eating disorder has frustrated people, caused my family pain and constant worry, and contributed to the loss of relationships.

Despite my continual struggle, I have not given up on myself. And I am thankful to be surrounded by supportive people who continue to believe in me despite countless setbacks. I fight against my eating disorder each day in an attempt to take back my life. I believe that one day, with all the courage and hope I can possibly find within, I will come to the end of a long process, a process of recovery.