The beast within

Mark - Denver, Colorado
Entered on February 28, 2008
Age Group: Under 18

Cruelty can be described as taking an unjustified action against another. Normally there are punishments for this, but when there are no punishments, there is no justice. I believe that to escape such cruelty, you must become cruel yourself. However, in doing so, you could lose something that cannot be easily recovered.

In middle school, I was tormented daily, by both the other students and the teachers who turned a blind eye. There was one student, M.B, who was strong, popular, and the biggest jerk I’ve ever known. He picked on everyone who wasn’t popular, so my friends and I were his biggest targets. He did anything he could to tick us off: giving us “wet willies,” slamming us against lockers, pushing us around, you name it. One night, I received a call at my house from M.B, my worst enemy, the first person who I truly hated. He began to make fun of me over the phone, saying how I had problems with my anger. He even went so for to say that I was schizophrenic. I was so mad, so enraged that he would personally call my house just to make me feel bad. All I could think about was how much I hated him right then. I quickly hung up the phone and punched a table, completely ignoring the small amount of blood that came out. He was right though; I had trouble controlling my anger, and I decided to show him just how much anger I had at the moment.

That night, I thought of an idea that would finally get back at him. I had science the very next day, and my teacher despised any kind of roughhousing. It was not smart to make him angry. When we did labs, he would yell at you just for dropping your goggles. During class, I watched the clock so I could have my things ready. I got out of my seat, and as I walked toward the door I matched my pace to M.B.’s Then, at the precise moment when he was walking next to me, I bumped him, sending him over an inch or two. He angrily shoved me to the ground, and when my teacher saw, he burst out in a rage that only few had seen. You could see the anger in his eyes. The volume of his voice increased, and his face tensed. He was furious. He yelled at M.B, “You do not do that in my class!” and took him out of the room.

M.B. wound up getting suspended. Apparently, my teacher had known about the bullying for a while, but he hadn’t ever seen it himself. The situation was explained to me by a school counselor, and I was filled with a dark joy. I became aware of a power I could manipulate, and I began to use it. Every person who picked on either me or my friends was suspended because of something I did to get a reaction out of them. I got in trouble a few times in the process, like when I had to deliberately start a fight at school to get back at someone who pushed me into a locker, but I didn’t care. This was my revenge.

It was very satisfying. But, about a month or so after the original incident, I realized something happening to me. I had gotten angry at a very good friend of mine, Rayne, and we began to argue. It started as a simple disagreement, but as I got angry, it broke into a fight. I yelled, insulted, and hurt him in ways that only I knew of. I was turning into what I despised; M.B, a bully.

Later, Rayne approached me. I was still angry at him, but I had to hear him out. He said in the past few weeks I had started to change, and that I was beginning to become more violent and much more irritable. He told me that this wasn’t who I was, and he was worried that I would do something horrible. I was and still am very grateful to Rayne for pointing this out to me after that fight. If he hadn’t spoken to me, I could have turned into the very thing I was trying to destroy. It is thanks to him that I stopped before I had gone too far, and thanks to him that I halted the transformation into the animal I had started to become.

I learned that although revenge can be tasty, and the beast within can be useful at times, it is also very dangerous. If you’re not careful, it can take over, and you’ll do something you’ll regret, like I almost did, losing any innocence, or friends, you might have.