Have you ever had one experience change your life? I have, because I lost my life’s inspiration from this entire earth. But I still remember that special inspiration in my heart. My belief is sometimes, change can be good.
It was January 2, 2006. I was in the hospital for the third time in two weeks. My aunt Laura wasn’t doing too well at all. She was diagnosed with breast cancer, and she wasn’t going to live. I just wanted to see her one last time.
By this time, I knew the hospital like my home. I wandered all through Fairfax Hospital to try to forget what was happening. I didn’t want to lose myself, so I kept busy by thinking of other things besides today. That seemed like the only way to keep from crying, so I decided to visit my aunt and see the rest of my family.
Just then, my dad was in the elevator getting out, so I couldn’t get in without avoiding them. He took me aside to tell me something. When he was trying to tell me something, I didn’t understand him. He just spoke then stared at me as his tears dripped down his cheeks. We began to walk together down the hall to the cafeteria. I sobbed only because I was here. I didn’t even know what my dad had said to me. I just knew that I couldn’t see Laura right now.
As we sat at the cafeteria tables, I finally asked through tears how everything was. He just looked at me. Like he had never seen me before, he was studying my face, like a stranger.
“Honey,” he said, “I just told you… Laura passed away.”
I stopped breathing, thinking, and just stared at him. What was he talking about? She couldn’t have died. When? Where was I? That’s when I realized that that was what he was trying to tell me at the elevator.
My heart hurt and I bawled. It felt like I had been stabbed eight times in the same place. I couldn’t think about how I could get through the rest of my life past that moment. I thought about how she was my ultimate blessing in life that I never really appreciated. She inspired me to do different activities, try new food, and be more creative.
Even though I won’t see her again, I believe that change can be good. Even when the experience is bad in the beginning, it can all turn out good. I still love her though, even if I can’t see her.
Sometimes, now, when I think about that moment, I start to cry. Nothing in my life has been that horrible and real at the same time. But I have to continue to believe that this sudden change could be good in the end. So sometimes, when something like that happens, you should look ahead and believe that it’ll all be okay pretty soon.
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