Until second semester of my freshman year in high school, I had a spotless reputation. Many knew me as a “goody-two-shoes” and “nerd,” and I was, though I didn’t mind it much. I never cursed (didn’t even tell people to shut up!), dressed modestly, and was extremely careful as to what I put into my mind. I despised sin with every inch of me, because that’s what I had always been taught to do. My goal in life was to please my parents, my teachers, my church leaders, and most of all, my LORD and Savior Jesus Christ.
High school’s effects are definitely reflected in my personality more and more each day. Moving up to high school was like moving to a new planet, maybe even a different galaxy. People dressed differently, spoke differently, and acted differently altogether – or maybe I was just opening my eyes to the ways of the world. About halfway into my junior year, I began noticing a change in my language – and not a good one at that. I strayed from my beliefs, as well as my family. My values seemed to flee from my body, no questions asked. Yes, high school in general has affected my actions, but I can more closely see the influence of my boyfriend on my personality.
I met Andrew in 9th grade Earth Science class. I was very shy and stand-offish, with not many friends, and was thrilled when Andrew began to show interest in me. We began dating with clear rules; he knew my limits and respected them – or at least pretended to. I became a rebel in disguise. I wanted to be bad, wanted him to love me, but I wanted to keep my “good girl” name. Andrew and I have been dating for two years now, and my reputation has been slowly decaying over the course of our relationship – but I don’t blame him for this. Recently, there has been talk of him cheating on me because I won’t give into his “needs” (yes, my purity is one thing I haven’t thrown away, but that’s a different story). With less than a handful of friends to confide in, and my God that I am too ashamed to run to, I have been very unhappy while dwelling upon these things. At one point I even considered resorting to drugs when given an invitation from a “friend.” For once I used my better judgment and stayed away (thankfully, because those “friends” ended up being arrested on account of the drugs – again, I was spared by my Father, but that, too, is a different story).
I have made many more unmentionable mistakes – many more than I can count. It was easy to fall after losing my footing in my beliefs. A very wise woman, Robin Jones Gunn, once made the following comparison. Katie Christian is standing atop a chair, and Peter Pagan on the floor below. Katie, try as she might, will have an extremely tough time bringing Peter up to her platform. Peter, however, can easily pull Katie off her chair – no matter how firmly she is rooted in it. I, like Katie Christian, was pulled down to the evils of the world – by high school, by my “friends,” by Andrew. For this I accept the blame 100%. I do, however, wish I would’ve listened to Mrs. Gunn’s wise words, because I am living the life of a fallen Katie.
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