What is Strong?

Andrea - St. Louis, Missouri
Entered on February 21, 2008
Age Group: Under 18

Someone once told me that I was strong, I thought “No I just know how to fake it well.” Being co-dependent is not something that people deal with everyday, however it is much more common than one might think. Yet, co-dependency in uncommon at the age of 15 or 16. Its been a year since, my relationship ended, and ending with it came losing a first love, a best friend, but mostly losing a descent human being. I referred to him as “unperson,” quite frankly because he was someone that i no longer knew.

Over the past year I’ve been told I’m an empath, a bitch, a co-dependent, and someone who has gone through a traumatic experience. Now, to those hearing my story or my experiences they could somehow perceive that I am strong. But I am not Strong. He wanted to be a surgeon, he had dreams, now he has cocaine, acid, and the most constant thing in his life marijuana. I have made many strides forward since he has taken his many strides backward. I’m taking my former state of being a co-dependent and I’m turning it into something positive, I’m starting a support group called THEORY that supports other teens in co-dependent relationships.

Last year was one of the toughest years of my life- not that there are that many years to go off of. I talked to numerous people, friends, therapists, parents, coaches, and siblings, yet no matter what they told me it made no difference, they could not relate to me on the same level. And no matter what the situation may be everyone needs to feel as though they belong and other people understand them whether they are drug addicts or those closest to them. Never in my short life could I have thought that moving on and letting go would be so hard. Over a 10 month period I watched and observed the transformation of a person. I saw him change from someone who had purpose to someone who now excepted everything he once hated. And what has never ceased to amaze me is that people knowing of his addiction still want to be his friend, while they have full knowledge of his problem. Given that his life was not easy, he had every resource to rise above and be the strong one. So yes, I am stronger than him, but now that isn’t saying much.