In the spring of 2007 I did two things I told myself I would never do; I fell in love and started a journal. If I could take it all back—give the journal up for her—I’d stay right where I am. Where I am is happy. While writing in my journal I found the secret to my life. Happiness, for me, comes from the inside, not from a bag or the light of someone else’s eyes.
After a month the relationship I waited so long for ended. I was alone again. All I could do was wonder what I did wrong. What was it that made me fail? During that month I had someone, I was complete. I couldn’t have been happier. I couldn’t have been happier… unless I was alone.
Things felt so out of place until I gathered my fragile emotions and took a step back to look at the past month. During that time I went through a range of emotions I never thought possible. I thought I was independent. My findings came as a complete shock—she had control over my happiness.
With that realization in mind I dove headfirst into my journal. As I looked back through it I found I was happier on my own. Adding another person to the mix screwed up the happiness formula.
The key to happiness, for me, isn’t about finding a special someone. It’s far from it. The key to my happiness is realizing I may never find that special someone and knowing I never needed them to be happy. No matter what the situation, it is up to me to find the good. If I can’t find the good in a situation on my own, a special someone isn’t going to help.
I am in control of my happiness. Yeah, there will be times when I’m depressed. That’s unavoidable. I think those times will only accent the time that I’m truly happy. And I can guarantee it won’t be because of someone else.
All the bad times I suffer are just preparation. There will be at least one time in my life when I don’t have to force myself to smile. During that time I’ll be able to look back at all the suffering that got me there and realize one thing… it was worth it. This keeps me happy. This I believe.
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