In my freshman year of high school I discovered a way to make myself feel better. I found a way to make all of the guilt and depression go away, at least for a little while. I hurt myself, cutting, burning, anything to feel a pain I felt I deserved. I was given a second chance at life, a new outlook. With this new outlook I was able to actually see the good in the world where I’d been blind to it before. I had a wonderfully loving family who, with this new outlook, I realized would always be there for me. I had a great group of friends who I discovered did care about me.
I believe in second chances, redemption, and not giving up on somebody even if it’s yourself. At times it still so hard. I still deal with the guilt issues but I now I deal with them in a better way. I don’t let them overcome me. Knowing that I have support I can confront them and say that even if I think I’m worthless here’s somebody who doesn’t. from there it’s a simple question, ‘why don’t they think I’m worthless?’ In trying to find that answer I can come to see it for myself. It’s hard to accept that I’m actually important to people, it’s an obligation, a chance to let them down but it’s also kinda nice. I believe in hope.
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