This I Believe

Brittani - Norman, Oklahoma
Entered on February 6, 2008

Religion: The belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, especially a personal God or Gods; this is what the dictionary says religion is to be. However, people all over the world have different views and beliefs as to what religion is, some being the same, and some being so out there it is hard to even fathom. To me religion is not just something that you believe, but it is something that you practice everyday, almost as though it is a way of life.

Growing up I had a very religious family. My parents, three siblings, grandparents and I all went to a small church in a town called Prue, Oklahoma. We attended church three times a week and all were very involved in the things going on within the church. My parents never really gave us a choice to whether we wanted to go or not because, to them, church and God was not just a reminder to be good or to give you hope that there was someone bigger than us and that could save us from the sins of this world. To them, this was a way of life.

Once I started getting older and realizing what the preacher was saying, I began to read my bible more and more. This was good because I learned so much, but bad because it really confused me and just made me wonder why God would allow certain things to happen to us or in our lives. I felt as though he just wanted to put agony and pain in our life so that we would then run to him, give him the glory, and hope he’d have enough mercy on us to help us out. At this point in my life I gradually stopped going to church. My parents did not make me attend the church anymore because they said that they can’t make me believe and go for them, but, that I had to want it for myself. With this time of freedom and time to think about the world around me and to contemplate the whole bible and just all the things that it was telling me to do and to not do, I kind of just slipped completely away from church and God. This was easy to do because I was graduating High School and would soon be moving on my own.

On August 21st, 2006, my friend, teacher, and biggest role model was taken at the age of 32. Vikki Bundy, a wife and mother of two beautiful boys, and friend to all, died from a long battle with breast cancer and then tumors after the radiation. She was a great lady and an amazing Christian woman. After losing her, my view on religion changed a lot and I have so many questions to ask God but I feel like when I ask him those questions I never get answers and even if I did, that would not change the fact that she was taken from us.

Religion is now something that I do not give much thought to. I know that God exists and I believe in him, however, right now I do not know that I can deal with trying to put all the unknown pieces together that I am often so confused about. I now believe that even if you are an amazing person and you do everything God wants you to do, you can never do good enough. Religion is a word, something that to some people means hope, and to others it is a joke. I am in between both of the factors and do not know which is right.