I believe in the power of aloneness. I am only now learning to be comfortable with the idea. I am not speaking of loneliness. That would be a state of isolation. I am not lonely. I have children, family and friends in my life. I am referring to being comfortable in my own skin without the need to be reliant on another person. Being alone is an empowering experience of introspection. I am connecting with myself.
Since childhood I have always been dependant on others– mom, dad, brother, friends, boyfriends, and husbands. I feared being alone. I made bad choices to avoid being alone. I made choices based on other people’s wants, needs, and expectations of me. I forgot to have my own expectations and put aside what was in my best interests for a rewarding life. One year ago, at the age of thirty-five, I made the choice to be alone. For the first time in my life I am solely reliant upon myself. It has been a huge adjustment. At times it has been a terrifying state of existence. I am slowly getting to know me. I am discovering my deepest inner needs, wants and desires. These new discoveries of myself are enabling me to make better choices to improve my life.
I am beginning to see the effects my introspection is having on my life. This new self-reflection is evolving me into a positive and emotionally healthy being. I have found courage that has empowered me to down-size my lifestyle, relocate 1400 miles to Arizona, and continue my education towards a degree in business. I have found my lost self-esteem that has given me the confidence to approach new people and situations I would have missed out on in the past. I have found faith and hope that are giving me a positive outlook on my future. I now know everything will be alright. This knowledge has brought me a sense of peace. I am able to relax and enjoy life.
My experience with being alone for a year has been transforming. I am new and improved. I am a healthier me. A healthier me, makes for a better mother, daughter, sister, friend and partner. I am discovering that the rewards of being alone are much greater than the fear. I am aware that I do not need another person to full-fill my every need. Introspection has given me the ability to love, respect and honor myself. I realize that it is alright to be alone. I embrace the new single me.
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