(Working from the Inside Out)
By Audrey Emerson
I believe when I make a purse, I should start from the inside and work outwards. In the beginning it was hard to remember that, but when I got used to it, it made perfect sense.
I was shuffling through old papers, and I came across old story ideas. One of them was about a girl who has a new purse for each mood or kind of day she decides to have, each chapter is a different purse and the mood/day she has to go along with it. I was young when I wrote this, and it doesn’t make total sense to me, but I have given it a new meaning.
For the past year or two I have been trying to determine who I am. It seems like so many people have asked the same question of themselves, and have struggled through finding the answer. I thought that to solve this problem or to figure it out I had to try new things, do new things, or in my case, be new people.
Originally I though the plan was full proof, it was perfect. So I tried out a lot of different purses, or personalities. They ranged from sweet and loving, to very self-centered and everything in between. Each one didn’t really fit, so I just kept trying, purse after purse, personality after personality.
Sometimes I was mean, sometimes I was nice, and sometimes I was just weird. I acted different, I did things I didn’t like to do, I wore things I wouldn’t normally wear, but I did feel like I was still me buried beneath whatever I did on the outside. Then suddenly I found I was afraid of losing the tiny bit of me I had inside. I realized that that’s who I was, I was me. Just waiting for that little bit of me to come out. I had never lost me. I was just looking for an “external” definition of me. I didn’t realize that I was working from the outside in. I should have been working from the inside out.
I believe that this is the most times I have said “me” or “I” on a page. I also believe that I shouldn’t buy a purse to match my shoes, but make one to match what is in my heart. I believe that being who you are is the most fabulous purse of all. The one that you make, the one that you weave with love, tears, and sweat. I believe in my purse.
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