I believe in living. The word has several definitions, but the meaning I use is to stay alive and do something. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you are experiencing something for your own good. You could be a lazy billionaire, a hard working mother, a single father, a child struggling with cancer, or anyone. The experiences will all become part of living and a part of you.
To live is to experience that life, and to experience is of great importance. It allows you not just to learn, but to help you understand many things from the heart. How it feels to be alone, how much it hurts to not have a family, etcetera. To experience that, you must live; even when it hurts to do so, even when you feel as if death is the only escape, because death is not a real escape route. Well, you commit suicide, lets say, and where will that take you? What good will life be if you just give up? Sure, life may not be enjoyable at the time, but who knows, it could take a spontaneous turn.
Like many teens, I was suicidal in my high school years. Loneliness, disbelief in my surrounding, hatred, and memories of childhood abuse by my brother tagged along behind me everywhere I went. The constant feeling of failure and depression stripped me of confidence. The tears I cried at least every week echoed my heart’s misery. I lived, though. Why? Because I was scared of death; I was a coward. Most of all, there were people who supported me, not to mention the unknown future, even though I did not anticipate much of the latter. But who knows? There could be something good in the future.
Ironically, there was; after getting out of high school, my experiences gradually helped me to appreciate life more. I realized how fortunate I was when I lived with my parents and how all the pain and suffering of the physical and verbal abuse I went through actually turned me stronger and more understanding. I try my best to achieve success in class work because I know it will bring me a better future. I am still very much in the beginning part of the living process, but it feels as if the experience of the long days of living in depression pushed me forward more towards the future.
I believe in living bringing me this far. The spontaneity of future events and the effect of experiences intertwine as you move forward, as you live. Most of all, I had finally found my beloved partner. Sure, there may be some struggle or suffering in the future, but I will do the best I can to keep on living, because I know that will let life give me more and help me grow.
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