This I Believe

Bernice - Penn Valley, California
Entered on January 22, 2008
Age Group: 50 - 65
Themes: death, family

This I know and this I believe, there is never a “good” time or a better time to lose your mother. Whether she is 88 and somewhat forgetful and you are 63, or whether she is in her 40’s and you are a 20 something with all life ahead.

You will be told, if she were 88 that she lived a rich and full life. How does that lessen the hole in your heart, the aching loss and the feeling that all is not well?

Even if you did not communicate at a deep intense level for a long time as you once did, now you cannot talk at all. You have been robbed. Something very prescious has been stolen from you and you are no longer sure, secure about anything. It is if a shield has been stripped away and you are alone out there. Though you once functioned and lived your life, suddenly you are not confidant. You are afraid. Someone who ate, slept, talked , laughed suddenly is represented by a cold, marble unreality and all that made her the person that she was is irrevocably and definitely gone.

You cry without warning and alternately strike a table or chair with your fist in anger and frustration. You have no say in this, no vote.

No time is a good time to lose a mother, this I know and this I believe.