This I Believe

Sandra - chicago, Illinois
Entered on January 22, 2008
Age Group: Under 18
Themes: change

Sandra R

I believe……In the power of change!

I was once spoiled; I had everything a kid would wish for. I had it all, from a big pool in my back yard to a high speed go-kart to a huge trampoline. Every thing, you name it I had it. Every one envied me. The only thing I didn’t have was a car, and that was only because I wasn’t old enough yet. Yea, sounds like I had a good child hood, guess again.

I grew up not knowing what a hug from a mother felt like, or a kiss good night. I never had my mother or father, tell me they loved me or ask how my day went. I cared less about the materialist things I had. My parent’s devotion towards me was only shown in gifts. I soon became angry, I found myself hating those who had what I didn’t. While everyone envied me, I envied them in secret. I then started to act on my emotions. I started to role play, I did badly in school, and I hung out with the wrong crowd. It all brought it down to; I knew what a cigarette was, and how it was used. I knew all about sex, stealing and running away. I downgraded myself, all because I wanted my parent’s attention. I wanted to be notice. Not as their responsibly but as their child.

When my mother found herself repeatedly at my school and at the police station, not because I had done something but because of whom I was with. She then began to realize that I wasn’t going down the right path. Her first reaction was, put her in a center for teenagers. She even wanted to send me away. Until one day I decided to harm myself, I thought maybe if she knew what it was like to lose me, she would gain knowledge on how to be a mother. Like the saying goes, you don’t know what you have until you lose it. Well I followed that. I tried to overdose myself with some pills I found in the bathroom cabinet. Fortunate she found me, as I lay there it was the first time I felt my mother arms enclose around me, it was the first time I saw my mother shed tears and it wasn’t because of anything else, it was because of me, her teen her daughter her adolescent.

After a while it all cleared up, my mother wouldn’t leave my side and it wasn’t because she was afraid that I was going to do something ludicrous, but because she knew she had missed out on a lot in my life. She turned out to be a good mother and a best friend. I couldn’t be any happier. I’ve learned from my mistakes, I would never want to go back. I’ am today a young lady and I have come to realize that life isn’t ridicule or that it just bypasses you. Or that buying your youngster everything to show your love isn’t really the best way to show or experience the inner care of a mothers love. That is why I believe; in the power of change.