“This I Believe” I can change who I am

Gabriela - Chicago, Illinois
Entered on January 22, 2008
Age Group: 18 - 30

As I grow up and make many mistakes in my life. I believe that I am always changing.

I had a choice to change for the better or the worst I choose to change for the better. When I look back on the way I use to be I realized that my attitude had to change. At the beginning I was in between quite and loud then I started hanging out with other people and leaving my friends behind. I left the people that truly cared for me for the ones that I was not sure about. A lot of the problems I got into were because of the friends I choose to have. One day in school a guy started to hit a girl I new and I went to help her thinking that was the right thing to do but a teacher came and thought we were playing. When I tried to explain to her what was going on she did not believe me or the girl. That’s when I started getting in trouble in school. I thought if they do not believe me then why listen to them. Even thought I got a lot of detentions that did not stop me or when my parents yelled at me that just made it worst. I felt like they did not care for me because they were always yelling instead of talking to me. I was a crazy girl when I was younger. I was loud, got into trouble and did not care what people thought of me. Many people I know now don’t believe me that I was like that because I’m quiet now. At around age twelve I decided to hang out with some of the troublemakers because it seemed to be fun at that time. I saw that they would do what they wanted to do at any time, and thought to myself why can’t I do that. For choosing those friends I use to get into a lot of arguments with my mother because I wanted to spend time with them for we could hang out. At one time we stopped talking to each other because of my friends in that moment I did not care but when I look back I wish I could take those days back. Little by little when I started hanging out with them even more. I started to do what I wanted, and I stopped listening. Now that I look back as lot of arguments between my mother and I could have been avoided.

Time went by and I kept doing what I wanted and not listening. I saw what I was doing was hurting the people I love especially my mother. But back then that was the way I would get her attention because she was always paying attention to my brother. I felt left out because of my mother at times it felt like I did not exist because she would not pay as much attention to as she did to the others. That’s why I got along more with my father, and my sister because they were always their when I needed something. It was a regular day my brother’s, my sister and I went to school and my father went to work. After I got back from school I saw that my sister was sad and I asked her what was wrong but she couldn’t tell me. All I herd was silence and saw sad faces. A couple hours later my dad came home and he told me what was going on he told me that my mother was in the hospital. When I heard that I just burst into tears because I knew that she was real sick . All I could remember was him saying to me calm down Gaby she will be okay. A couple days later she came home I can still remember that day she was pale, and that same day I found out that she almost passed away. When I heard that I lost it I did not know what to do, what to say. I do not know what I would do with out her. Since that day it has not been the same between us. We have our up and down’s but our relationship has improved and I try my best to make sure that she does not get stressed out. I believe in changing who you are. That’s when I changed for the better, I changed for her I started listening, and doing better in school. I’ve learned that life gives you a second chance, when it does take it. Even thought I’m not as loud as I use to be now that I changed I feel better about myself because I don’t hurt the people I love the way I use to. I focus on my work more and get better grades.