I hand my son his book bag and kiss him goodbye. While he is racing to the bus I call out, “Do your best and have fun!” He smiles, waves, and away he goes to his separate world from me. When my son was starting kindergarten I wanted to prepare him for his new world. I wanted him to have a mental state that would help him be well rounded and successful everyday. I used examples in my own life to encourage my son to focus on what I feel is most important in all walks of life.
Shortly after graduation I met a man and fell in love. He was twelve years older with an ex-wife and two children. With all that baggage I still knew I had found someone I could spend the rest of my life with. Shortly after we were married we found out that he was terminally ill with cancer. My focus began to be on him and only him spending every last moment of his life taking care of him. It was in the last hours of his life that I tried to make deals with God. I wanted to die instead so he could raise his children. I believed his life was somehow worth more than mine. He had his children to live for.
After he passed away; however, I knew in my heart that I did all I could do for him. It was the worst and the best experience of my entire life. I knew at a young age what it felt like to love with all I had and give it all I could. When time was running out we made every second count. The memories of that experience carry me through every day. Without it I wouldn’t be the person I am today.
Years later I met and married another wonderful man. We have been married eight years and have two beautiful boys. It wasn’t until holding my first son I realized how important my life was. It was then that I knew why God had not accepted my deal. At that moment I made a promise to cherish every moment of my life.
Every night I lie in bed and relive my daily experiences. I base my day on two factors: Did I enjoy my day? Did I do my best? If yes is the answer I can drift off to sleep knowing if tomorrow doesn’t come, I sure had a wonderful day.
I want my children to go through life without any regrets. I hope they grasp what is truly important and embrace it. What ever their goals and dreams I want to give them the permission to strive to achieve them and also the okay to take time to really enjoy life. After all what is the purpose of life if we can’t gain a sense of achievement and pleasure to offset the inevitable pain?
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