I believe, on more levels then one, in the power of self-reasoning. There are times when it works to my benefit and others where it slows me down or sets me back. I am enamored with analyzing every situation, big or small, to make sense of things. But sometimes there’s more to it then that, I dwell on small details and characteristics that are of no importance to anyone else, but I find it necessary to interpret them.
I am a science person. I love it and do well in the subject, but science can only go so far. There are more things that can’t be proven by science then can, and I feel it’s my obligation to find personal meaning behind them. I believe in a higher power than science. I guess a better word for it would be fate. Fate lies somewhere in between. It’s not science, nor is it God’s will. However, fate is not just handed to you on a silver platter. It requires the power of self-reasoning and determination to put the pieces of the puzzle together.
My story begins with a friend I’ve recently acquired. I jumped to the conclusion that since he was kind of a “trouble maker” that he was simpleminded and had a heart that much resembled his tough outer shell. On January 8, 2008, I had the conversation of a lifetime with this particular gentleman in which it’s hard to find words to describe. What started out as a simple question and answer conversation, to get to know each other, evolved into a 24 page, 3 and half hour chat, which led me to believe he would be a lifelong friend of mine. The core of it revolved around fate and the meaning of life.
The conversation progressed from normal matters to topic of fate. The last question I asked was for him to tell me something that would leave a lasting impression on me and make me think, “Wow this kid was more amazing than I thought and probably could be a lifelong friend of mine.” He answered as so; “I would say that because of some sort of fate that brought us together by some means, that has to mean we are connected somehow. And for some reason we were meant to have this very conversation right at this moment, maybe because if we didn’t I would of gone outside to smoke a cigarette and gotten hit by a car, or you would be making something in your kitchen and have burned your house down. Or maybe the fact of the matter is that we were meant to be friends for the rest of our lives.”
His answer to that question blew my mind. Someone I believed to be simpleminded threw me a curveball. The whole splendor of the conversation led me to believe I’d never have one like it again. Never have I conversed with a person so deep and thought-provoking. It led me to believe that fate exists and there’s more meaning to my life that I’d never be able to fully grasp.
Life is a puzzle. When you’re born you’re just a pile of disarray. With age comes wisdom, the pieces of the puzzle start to come together. However, I’m not so sure that anyone’s puzzle becomes complete. If that were so, then you’d have all the possible wisdom in the palm of your hands, which is seemingly impossible. I believe that the concepts of fate, wisdom, and self-reasoning are all related and together that trinity guides me in my search for life’s meaning.
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