“Julena, go to sleep. You know you have to get up early in the morning for school and you better not whine or you’ll get a whooping since you should be sleep now!” These are the words from my mom that I recall when reflecting back to the earlier years of my life. While still in elementary school, instead of reading children’s books, I remember lying in my bed and thinking of all sorts of thinks like “what is life going to be like when I get older, why did God choose my mom to be my mom and my dad my dad, why did I have to be born black, what am I going to say at school when the other kids ask me what I got for Christmas and I woke up to nothing under the Christmas tree because my parents could afford it that year?”.
As I look back over my life, and begin to think things over, I can say that I can equate bedtime to reflection time because it was always then that I wrestle with the ideas that bombarded my mind that didn’t during the day when I was ripping and running from one activity to the next. Even as I grew in age and other things started to change in my life, this almost sacred time that I had reserved for myself did not change; although the questions did. No longer did I wonder about things that I really couldn’t change, but know I would lay and ask myself, “what is my next step in life, did I react the right way, am I blocking myself from obtaining what God has ordained for my life, how am I supposed to know?”.
Then, one night, after a period experiencing a plague of death of friends and confusion of why I was here, it all came to me. I was here not for me to dwell on myself, but to help others. God has set a purpose for everyone in life and some people serve their purpose faster than others. It is true that reality is different for each person, but real truth is undeniable and can be shown to all if one is not of the self but in the spiritual realm. I believe if patient, selfless, and one with God, what is to be known will be apparent. I believe in intervention from God, and it is this belief that has help me gain a sense of self and decipher the unknown to the known.
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