I believe in speaking your mind. Yeah, it gets you dirty looks and possible embarrassment, but why not? What’s the point in keeping your thoughts to yourself and calculating possible outcomes, when you can find them out for yourself? Your thoughts aren’t going to vocalize themselves; you need to do it for them. I’m not afraid to say I have absolutely no belief in god, in a school filled with people whose lives are based on that belief, or in a household surrounded by Judaism. I am not afraid to tell people that I think their taste in music sucks or, on the contrary, that I am quite fond of them.
Let’s take Yoni Solomon for example. Last year, he was the cream cheese to my bagel; he was every thought in my mind. My hands would shake and sweat when I was near him. I would jumble my words and couldn’t get a proper sentence out, probably seeming like the stupid, love struck freshman I was. I realize now, that it was a stupid crush and that it would eventually pass, but at the time, I was CRAZY about him. I would over analyze everything he said to me, and take every word that came out of his mouth as a complicated word riddle that needed to be deciphered and thought out carefully and correctly, in order to get that one response I was looking for; he liked me too.
You would figure, as good of friends as we are now, that I never said anything and allowed our friendship to blossom normally, not letting him know about my hidden infatuation… Wrong. What could I gain by constructing irrational possibilities in my head, like he would blush and tell me he had been waiting to hear I liked him, and that he liked me too. Or, on the contrary, shake his head, rolling his eyes, “Pshh. Freshman…” I couldn’t let my imagination scare me out of confronting him. I had never been more anxious during a single AIM conversation in my life. The receive message sound went off, my heart jumped, and I read the following line, “Oh… well, I’m flattered. Lol.” Not the best response I could have gotten, but certainly not the worst. I realized that from that point on, I couldn’t let my thoughts be what determined my actions. My actions had to determine my actions, if that makes sense. What I mean, is that I couldn’t let myself think up potential outcomes to situations; I had to physically do something.
Telling Yoni how I felt was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made; it allowed us to be best friends to this day. He’s in college and I’m stuck here, yet we still talk every night, and we both are involved in each other’s lives. My choice that night to be honest and speak my mind lead me to be the obnoxious, direct 15 year old I am today and I couldn’t be any happier… honestly.
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