I believe in the existence of a perfect balance. I believe that everything has this balance, even happiness. I believe that in this balance the universe is like water seeking an even level of existence. Happiness is just one end of the wheel that pivots around the balance, and this wheel displays all facets of human emotion. The balance is hidden in a shroud of the chaotic life of Man.
I first glimpsed the balance when I was eleven. My family and I had just descended from commercial bliss as we returned from Disneyland. Our bags were full as we carted home plastic treasures of joy and souvenirs of innocent glee. My delight overwhelmed me. I breathed in currents of unyielding greatness that lifted me to a high I had rarely felt before. My family had never been well endowed financially and trips like these were special. I could hardly manage to restrain the smile upon my face as Tink’s fire twinkled behind my eyes.
Then, the wheel turned, pushed by the winds of change. My universe was seeking its level. It tipped to counter the weight of my happiness. My dog had died. Her unusual eating habits proved to be her downfall. Fatefully, she had eaten a dresser knob and died from zinc poisoning. My life seemed to fall around me. My favorite dog, Xena, was gone. She would never again get her black hair on my white shirts or drool on my hands. I didn’t understand the wrenching pain, and how, so suddenly, it had all changed. The mystery of it all, the unfairness, slipped between the spaces in my immature mind. It would take me a long time to piece together why, at the height of my jubilation, the balance smote me.
On my journey of existential discovery, I would clarify the ambiguity of the balance. One night in eighth grade, my mother drove me home from a dance. We rode in a ’83 BMW. It was a small car, fragile, with no heat. I returned to that overwhelming elation that most of the time is so hard for me to reach. The specifics of this happiness are unclear but I remember expressing to my mother before crashing into a herd of deer, “I just feel so happy, Mom.” Then the balance set it right. Everything that had been going right quickly went wrong. The balance pulled me to Earth.
I began to believe in the balance that night. I have learned since then the balance could also work in my favor. When my world crashed with a seemingly unstoppable momentum towards a dismal future the universe stuck its hand in my fate and churned it about. What the balance can take away, it can also give back. I believe in embracing the balance. I take comfort in the fact that even though change is harsh, change is fair. I believe that in life the highs cancel out the lows leaving only a perfect balance.
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