This I believe, that people are far more resilient than they give themselves credit for. Often we think about what our lives would be like without that one person whom we call our “significant other.” If we are deeply in love, we may believe that we couldn’t possibly live life without them.
But time and time again even the best of relationships can come to an end, and most people have no choice but to learn to deal with their loss.
If someone had told me that my boyfriend of five years was going to blind-side me with a break-up, I would have babbled the same heart broken mantra… That life would be terrible, that I would be losing a crucial piece of myself.
But then it really happened, and I had to face the most crushing rejection of my life thus far.
The end of my relationship started with a phone call. I spent nights after it happened, at home studying, gripping my pink-flowered cell phone like it held all the answers to my bewildering loneliness. Tears splattered my notebook until I couldn’t read the words. I sat in class feeling so lost in a fog of nothingness that it seemed more dream than reality.
When emotions manifest themselves into physical ailments it is a fascinating process. I lost the ability to eat, to smile, to laugh… to do anything but be angry, waste away, and question myself.
It is so funny to think that even then, despite the pain, I knew life wasn’t truly over. The second it happened, when I uttered the words “How could you…” a part of me knew that things were going to be alright. I screamed into the phone “How could you have done this to me, after all I had done for you, loved you unconditionally, was ready to give all of myself to you forever?”
Taking a simple breath became difficult, asthmatic. My best friend rushed to me, comforted me, and held me while I cried so hard I thought I would drown in my own salty lake of tears.
For five years I had been complacent, happy, bored, and sad… nothing, however, like this. But that is okay. That’s life, my life. We just take it day by day, minute by minute, and deal with it. I learned that I can no longer rely on someone else to make (and keep) me happy. That job rests solely within me.
That pink phone held more answers for me than I realized. All of the support, the endearing phone calls from friends and family came through and touched my heart. People didn’t seem to realize how much it helped to hear their sweet voices fill my ear with cheesy platitudes about love.
Now, I’m mostly happy again, for many reasons. I have so much to be grateful for. Much of my life has been defined by who I have liked and loved, both past and current. Perhaps that’s why a loss such as a long love can be so devastating. I had defined much of who I was through my connection to that one person, and now they’re gone. However, people are incredibly capable of healing even the most broken of hearts. With the passing time I feel more excited about my life. I look forward to a better tomorrow filled with beauty and potential. In fact, I think I hear another opportunity calling right now.