This I Believe

Wilsy - Des Plaines, Illinois
Entered on December 21, 2007
Age Group: Under 18

As simple human beings, we all make choices everyday. We choose who we to talk to and who we try to avoid. We choose where we go, what we eat and wear, and even how we feel. I make choices everyday, from the simplest choices, to the hardest ones. No matter how hard the choices may be, they must be made because it’s part of my life – a part of everyone’s life.

My parents have taught me right from wrong, and have encouraged me to always think before I make my choices. Many of my choices were influenced because of their teachings and laws. They taught me to consider others before myself, and to never do anything that would hurt someone. They taught me to respect and to be obedient, not only to them but to anyone I meet. When I was little, I had very little chances to make my own decisions – my parents were in control. I didn’t make the rules, I was just to follow them. But it came time for me to be on my own, to face the situations on my own, to truly grow up and understand myself. I was to explore the evil side of this crazy world on my own. Their part was done, they taught me their morals and their culture, and molded me into this strong individual I am today.

During my sophomore year, I got home exhausted after a long stressful day of school. All I wanted to do was eat and get some rest I lacked the night before. My mom as usual asked me how my day was, and all I said to her that day was, ‘as if you care’. I wasn’t sure if I meant it then, but I know today that I didn’t mean it. I know she asked me that question with her great concern as a mother, and as a daughter I had disrespected her. No matter how small it might seem to people, those words were not to be said to my own mother. A mom that has cared for me since the day she discovered me inside her own body. She has cared for me throughout my childhood. The times I was sick, or got hurt she would hold me so close to her to take away the pain. The times when I cried for attention she was the one willing to give me her full attention with such joy. The times when I wanted the same ‘cool’ shirt my friend had, she was the first to get it for me. I didn’t have the right to tell her that she didn’t care. Because of all the people in the world – I know she cared the most for me. But those words were said, it was a choice I had made – a stupid choice. I regret it. And I regret a lot of things. I regret some the words I have said to people, I regret some of my actions, and I even regret some of my friends. I used to wish I could go back and fix those things, and do it all over again – but I believe in regrets. I believe having those regrets is why I am who I am today. I know most people hate the feeling of regret, and I understand why they would. It makes them feel so helpless and guilty for something they have said or done. But when I think about it, the only way I realize my stupidity is through that feeling of regret. I wouldn’t want to take back my mistakes from the past. The feeling of regret has brought pain, deep pain, but I feel that pain has made me change. It has made me realize that I cannot take back things, that my thoughtless words and actions have consequences within me. I cannot wipe away regrets from my heart, it will always be there reminding me who I was and who I have become today.