This I Believe

Jonathan - Nashwauk, Minnesota
Entered on December 21, 2007
Age Group: 18 - 30
Themes: love

I believe I can’t search for love, it will just happen to me one day. It sounds selfish, but I feel there is one significant other for each person in the world. My problem was that I was looking for love too strongly. I wanted to be in love with someone so I could feel that comfort, but I have no idea what love is. I’ve never been in love, but I have an idea of what love consists of. It’s a feeling you can’t describe but can show, like care, words, and actions. Observing my parents may have taught me what love can be, but I can only find out for myself.

My mom and dad dated back in high and were together their eleventh and twelfth grade years. As senior year came to a halt, they both figured they would be heading in different directions and decided to break up. Seven years later they realized they both still lived in the same town, both were going through a divorce, and both felt that lust feeling they had towards each other in high school. They started dating and were together for about two years when my dad, Andy, finally popped the marriage question. My mom, Shelli, said yes excitedly. My parents in the mean time had me and my brother Darren. Growing up around my parents, observing their affection towards each other showed me they were truly in love. Although I didn’t know exactly what love meant, I could see something between my parents that was different from say a dating relationship, or a casual going out relationship. The way my mom would laugh in his presence or the way he would look at her with hearts floating around in his eyes. It was surreal to me. I could only wish I would someday be with my “love.”

Throughout high school I dated girls and always thought the one I was dating could be the one I fall in “love” with. Catching my thoughts I would just try to go with the flow because I didn’t want to mess the relationship up. My relationships never lasted more than a few months if that. I thought I would never be with the perfect girl until ninth grade. I met this amazing girl named Kayli. We clicked right away. I could make her smile like my dad made my mom smile. We were together until the end of our senior year. Thinking we would go our separate ways we ended our four-year relationship. I definitely thought she was my true love, which I would be with forever. I thought is this going to be how my mom and dads love came together later on in life? She only moved to the Minneapolis, so I could still have a chance.

I see where I’m at now, and what I have learned and observed. Still confused as to what love really is, I know it will come to me one day. Searching so hard for that love I want to feel and understand is only going to drive me crazy. I feel one day, the one I’ll spend the rest of my life with will come to me in an unknown approach and our love will begin there. But I can only hope and wait; I can only do what feels right to me.