7 tips on how to be the ideal girlfriend:
Once you’ve got your man interested and have now officially made him yours, it’s not going to be easy, there’s going to be obstacles, good times and bad times…but thanks to these 7 fabulous tips from female relationship experts nationwide, they know exactly what your man is looking for!
1. Know where he is at every waking moment of every single day. ALWAYS.
2. Buy him extravagant gifts! Like the newest flat screen TV…even if it largely sets you back, and then don’t ever let him out of your sight long enough to enjoy all of his action movies on it.
3. Ask him to buy you extravagant Christmas and birthday gifts. Explain how you deserve it for being such a wonderful, loving, and caring girlfriend. Go above and beyond… let him know not only precisely what item he must buy from your favorite designer but the exact style, color, item number, etc. …on second thought, maybe you should just by it, wrap it, and give it to him to give back to you on Christmas morning.
4. Demand to be taken to dinner instead of letting him enjoy his own hard-earned money. Ask him repeatedly whether you’ve recently gained weight. When he responds that you have not, in fact, you may have lost a few pounds over the past few weeks, still insist on ordering a salad. Side salad that is.
5. Forcefully tell him “It’s time to go” in the middle of the fourth quarter of the Super bowl when it’s all tied up. How else would you both make it home in time for the newest Lifetime Original?
6. Stop at nothing to distance him from his closest friends. Make them out to be the pigs that they are! Have him spend the night at your place, never his. Monday night football, video games, guys’ night out after work, even trips to the gym are all forbidden from this point on.
7. Call him at 2 a.m. When you’re out of town. And he’s been out with his friends for the first time since you two have been together (*see #6). Cry. Tell him you miss him and you’re worried. Cry harder and accuse him of cheating on you at the bar, better yet, the strip club. Cry until you can barely speak, explicitly explaining your concern that there is in fact a girl lying next to him at this very moment. Add some screaming to the no-end-in-sight waterworks you plan to carry out until the sun comes up.
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